dec 26 2008

With less than a week to New Year
do you have any resolutions to make?
What are your motivating factors?
Do you feel making a decision on New years eve
gives you a little more resolve to see things through?

Last week I truely believed I would not see next year in.
This year has definitely not been one of my best and
I threw myself into work, pushing my limits doing the impossible
at times I was lucky to get a couple of hours sleep a night before getting up and throwing myself back into work.

I truely believe that what we think and feel influences our health so when my heart started playing up I believed it was just because I had a broken heart and hard work would solve the problem. I am stubborn and insist on doing things my way.

My blood was not carrying enough oxygen around my system and I was literally suffocating myself. my blood pressure was averaging around 240/140 and my hands were cold and blue.
I felt like a walking time bomb.

This year I am going to try and take things a little easier.

Make a decision and then make it right.
There just are no wrong decisions.
You could go this way, or that way,
and either way will eventually get you to where you want to be.
But in the moment you start complimenting yourself
Is the moment you allow yourself to start living.

lady hibiscus

the_Wenchess - (40) 5,286 kms from me in Northhampton, U.K. Her blog is called, ‘NYC’s Blog’. She’s a real champion of the Frigga Contest which I’d not heard a peep about until she commented in my blog one day. She has the coolest pics in her profile. Her blog is as colourful as she is while writing and sharing pics about a game of lust, dining in (love red shoes!), polling about to find the most prevalent astrological sign on the site (not sure who’s winning that one yet), found it interesting on how she ponders various topics on the site such as where to go on a date? Or how she spotlights other bloggers upon occasion, I saw welshdragon there one day! She’s a very different, ‘take’ on childhood tales or comic book characters such as Tarzan and Jane. She uses lovely muted colours to decorate her blog which I really like because reading on a computer sometimes hurts my eyes, especially when a screen is very busy or has too many shades. Guess I need a pair of those over-sized sunglasses misterme wrote about. But I’m NOT wearing a bikini. I really like this blog as it’s written in a tongue very different than any I’ve read here in Blogland on A.F.F. Thanks, Wenchess! Wishing you a healthy, joyous and peaceful 2009.

tokoloshe

The tokoloshe is a short, hairy, dwarf-like creature from Africa. It is an extremely powerful mischievous and evil spirit that is often invisable except to those who it has come to haunt.
he is a naughty little devil who can make things disappear, or cause things to happen and make trouble between people.
It can cause illness, even death I have known people to flee their homes and refuse to re-enter because a tokoloshe came to visit them there.

The penis of the tokoloshe is so long that it has to be slung over his shoulder. Thus sexually well-endowed, the duties of the tokolosh include making love to its witch mistress. In return, it is rewarded with milk and food. In common with European myths and legends concerning familiars, salt must not be added to food offerings for tokoloshes. The witch keeps the tokoloshe docile by cutting the fringe of hair that hangs over its eyes.

The natives live in round houses so the tokoloshe can not hide in the corners and raise their beds by placing the legs of their beds on bricks to keep the occupant of the bed out of reach of the tokoloshe.

Only the strongest n’anga or witch-doctor has the power to banish him from the area, and he is very sly in returning when least expected..

16 dec 2008

I haven't been so well lately.
On Friday night I was threatened with an ambulance and managed to wiggle my way out - then again this morning.
Asking me to go in an ambulance is like asking me to jump off a cliff... well actually been known to do that quite happily.

I was once swept out to sea when I went swimming after a floating toy of my son's and a rescue boat was sent out to fetch me.
I told them to put the floating Whale in the boat and I would swim back - no way was I going to climb in the rescue boat.

So I succumbed to seeking proper medical advice today, signing up with a doctor is a nightmare here. And they can't see me till Monday.
Next step go to the pharmacist, who can't speak English...
and tells me I need to see a doctor to get anti-emetics, she didn't even know them as that had to tell her I needed something to stop me hurling cats..
Suck on an ice cube, she told me, you are getting dehydrated - I wanted to throttle her.

So here I sit, about to venture out to the hospital.
I hate admitting that I am not well
and I am the worst patient

UPDATE: BP to blame 220/120 Doc said he would send the police to find me if I don't report in again this morning.
He had a great sense of humour and understood my fear of Doctors.
maybe I have been having too many happy horny thoughts
loves and hugs

On a more serious note
it is my heart that is messing me around again.
February last year I had what I dismissed as a heart hiccup
and I walked away saying I could cope with anything
now I have to face the fact that my heart ain't as strong
as t should be.

There is a time for everything

There is a time for everything and I have come across people here who have met the special one but they were still married and could not disentangle themselves for each other.

I have spoken to many people who say their marriage is dead, they are on here looking for some action, being stuck in a Vanilla relationship can feel like a living death – a dull, grey, flat, boring blankness. Something is seriously missing: verve, vitality, life, power, passion, intensity, spontaneity, they feel it is alright to add a bit of spice by having discrete relationships.

When a person is right for you, they feel right for you. They add vibrancy and joy to your life, as you do to theirs; they do not make you feel flat, bored, annoyed with yourself for failing to feel what you are supposed to feel, or any other such depressing things. They do not seem dull, numb, flat, lifeless. When a person is right for you, you do not have a nagging feeling that something is missing – and neither do they. The person may well be full of faults; there may be many problems; but they feel right nevertheless.

My question is even if it feels right together would you be able to build a relationship with a person you met while they were married?
Would it not be in the back of your mind that they messed around on their partner when they met you could this pattern not be repeated?
I don’t include people who are seperated but not divorced yet here, just people who want to step out of a relationship where their partner has no idea they are looking.

The strength of a man

The strength of a man
isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man
isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man
isn't how many buddies he has.
It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man
isn't in how respected he is at work.
It is in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man
isn't in how hard he hits..
It is in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man
isn't how many women he's Loved by.
It is in can he be true to one woman.

The strength of a man
isn't in the weight he can lift.
It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome

I screamed

The last couple of nights
I have been dreaming ...
Deep in slumber.

As most of you know I am blessed
to be spoilt rotten - I live with three men.
Last night I slept with my windows open
and one of my "guys" thought I was still out,
so came into my room to close the window.

I screamed! I screamed so loudly
everyone woke up - and the neighbours
came knocking on the door...
oh dear embarrassment!

Once before, when I first started living with my husband
he used to party late into the night and there were times
I had had to call the police in because it was not a safe
area and there had been attempted break ins.

I took to sleeping with my little Ruby under my pillow.
We had an agreement that he would come and knock on the
window before entering the house.
On this particular evening he forgot to knock.
As he entered the bedroom - I sat up - and was going
to blast who ever it was away..

Thank goodness I realised before I pulled the trigger
It was only my man come home...

Do you scream in your sleep?

Addiction..

Addiction is very difficult to overcome.

At least when it is smoking or alcohol the problem is tangible and the effects obvious.

But when it comes to addiction to a person how do we deal with this?

How do we show some one that they are hurting themselves?

Worse still - when some one is addicted to you personally - how do you show them that you mean them no harm but that they are putting themselves in danger by being addicted to you?

When you have pointed out how what they are doing could cause harm - that they are endangering themselves!
And yet they continue to do what you know will hurt them?

Do you cut all contact?
Do you tell a lie and say
you don't care about them any more?

If it is for their own safety -
is it best to cut all contact?

British Cultural History

I travel a lot with business and more and more I am coming across boarded up pubs.
The hearts have been ripped out of the British People
While I am not a smoker and find a clean pub so much easier to breathe in - the banning of smoking probably marked the end of the British Pub culture.
Something about the heart having been ripped out of these places, pubs used to be frequented at the end of the day -
where men came together to have a good old blarney and let go of frustrations before going home to the wife.
I stopped in an old pub the other day and there was a man singing, random lines of an old song and it took me back - back to the days where we all used to sing together.
At the tops of our voices, some fantastic songs like We will rock you, Summer of 69, Nights in white Satin to name only a few....
The heart of the village was the pub, all the news could be heard there, if some one in the neighbourhood was in need it was in the pub that it would be sorted.
Some how the banning of smoking and the rigid rules and legislation that has been put on our pubs has taken the one source of solidarity away from our neighbourhoods...
To have a culture you need people to be united,
due to the economic crisis we face today
and the way pubs and human freedom have been governed
we are becoming alienated from each other..

Often I have heard it asked what is British culture?
Sadly it is history ....

a real joker

Smiles I recently called a friend a real card.
Oh my English is so antiquated.

An ace of hearts or just a simple joker?

Now I wonder which would I rather be?
Which does he see himself as?

An Ace of hearts...LOVE
A Romeo?
The winner of all?
That communion between two souls,
with a beauty that can never
be forgotten or ignored.

Or Just a simple joker?
Versatile, evolution
the wild card ...
as conflicting as life or death?
beauty, ugliness,
harmony and chaos.
Infinity or Stagnation.

In this world of uncetainity

In this world of uncetainity
It affects us all differently
One man's temper might rise,
while the other man's temper might freeze.
We stand as a world embarrassed of our past
In the days of long confessions,
we can not mock a soul
When there's too much of nothin',
no one has control.
When it's too much of nothin',
every one turns a blind eye.
Africa's prayer was answered - a black man took
a seat of power - a man whose voice would be listened to
What happened.... the powers that be SADAC took the side
of the oppressor.

Cyber ships

Like ships they enter our waters
Some come as pirate ships
Out to plunder, loot and destroy …
Others come as cargo ships
Heavy laden and full of woe..
Some enter as submarines appearing
And disappearing as they fancy
Then there are those that set sail
Across the mighty waters
Magestically like cruise ships

Each entering the unknown seas
Clinging to their fantasy of what is meant to be
The oceans are scattered with messages
Like shooting stars across the cyber seas
Thoughts take flight on virtual wings

Wishing new friends a peaceful path
through these oceans may you come in peace
and find what you come to seek.

Pass the Port

Do you enjoy port and cheese after dinner?

I have always enjoyed a wee port after dinner
accompanied by a selection of cheeses and biscuits....

This ritual was started by the British naval custom in the 1700’s.

Traditionally, the wine is passed "port to port": the host will pour a glass for the person seated at their right and then pass the bottle or decanter to the left (the port side); this practice is then repeated around the table.

If the port becomes forestalled at some point, it is considered poor form to ask for the decanter directly.
Instead, the person seeking a refill would ask of the person who has the bottle:
"Do you know the Bishop of Norwich?" (after the notoriously stingy Bishop).
If the person being thus queried does not know the ritual (and so replies in the negative), the querent will remark "He's an awfully nice fellow, but he never remembers to pass the port."

A technical solution to the potential problem of a guest forgetting their manners and "hogging" the port can be found in a Hoggett Decanter which has a rounded bottom, which makes it impossible to put it down until it has been returned to the host, who can rest it in a specially designed wooden stand known as "the Hoggett."

In other old English traditions when port is decanted, commonly at the dining table, the whole bottle should be finished in one sitting by the diners, and the table should not be vacated until this is done.

WISDOM - BEAVER

we are all born with a purpose we just need to find the right path and stay focused.
Take the Beaver as an example using his sharp teeth for cutting trees and branches to build his dams and lodges. If he did not use his teeth, the teeth would continue to grow until they became useless, and the cause of his demise.

Here follows a story of a beaver who moved in on a stream. He immediately began taking down small trees, and within a couple of weeks the small stream turned into a small pond. Everyday he added more to his damn and to his house.
It was clear to see where the term "busy as a beaver", came from as he set to work.

With the stream now damned and his house built, he started chewing on a very large maple tree. The tree is over 60 feet tall and is approximately five feet in diameter at the base.
Over the winter, he would come out and chew a bit more. He had setbacks as with winter storms and freezing weather. The task seemed impossible such a little creature and such a huge tree. But sure enough, when the weather allowed, he kept coming back and would chew a bit more.
The beaver's original goal was survival - to build a home for the winter. Working every day with that particular focus in mind, he achieved that goal. But the large maple tree he started chewing on last fall was a future goal - he wanted the large tree for the spring, to provide new food and branches to continue damning in anticipation of the spring thaw. And, even with the setbacks he faced over the winter, he never gave up.

Sometimes our goal is simply to survive, but we also need to set goals for tomorrow.
And sometimes, just surviving seems to occupy all of our time
But, if you do just a little bit when times allows,
and keep focused on your future goal, you will achieve it.

the turtle

The correlation between the universal pattern and the turtle is an amazing one. It is thought that in the beginning of creation Grandmother turtle was given the role of ensuring that the laws would never be lost or forgotten.

The truth of the world can be read on the shell of a turtle.
On the back of a Turtle are the 13 moons, each representing each cycle of the Earth's rotations around the sun.
The 28 markings on her back represent the cycle of the moon

Ever?

Ever done anything that shocked even you?
Something totally out of character?

Ever dared to step over the line
Perhaps do something you would not condone in another person?

Lived for the moment foresaking all consequences?
What causes a person to snap and rebel?

What was the out come did you regret it?
Or was the memory worth the cost?

To my friends and multi profilers

Since returning to blogging
I have noticed a lot of absent friends.
I have also learnt that some of those who
touched my world and influenced me were
multi profilers.

I admit I have two profiles -
one Newyearchic and this one -
but I have never hidden the fact
or acted as a seperate individual.
Those of you who know me understand
why I made the change.

What hurts is that they made their way into my heart
and my prayers as seperate individuals
Each one meaning different things to me,
I was decieved - but worse still they were
decieving themselves.

In a world of shattered and scattered emotions
it might be hard to accept yourself as one person.
I think this is perhaps the reason I stopped blogging,
my id was shattered and I could no longer write as I once had.

I have a firm belief in people attaining the best they can,
I always believed that if we stood together as friends
we would become stronger within ourselves.
I think I am beginning to doubt my own judgement.
There is a fine line between love and hate
Perhaps even a finer one between the truth and deceit.

How can people hope to build up friendships when they
have difficulty accepting themselves as individuals?

Here is my wish to you all
May you learn to accept yourselves
Knowing that being you is enough.
May you be your own best friend.

There he goes the broken man

There he goes, the broken man,
Empty bottle in his hand,
Thirsting for sympathy,
Bursting with lethargy.

There he goes, the broken man,
Exiled to his own wasteland,
A fortune gained, then burned,
By lessons not quite learned.

Didn’t he hold you on a golden day?
Didn’t you take him in and say
Forever?

Disillusioned with his so-called potential,
The warmest memory, inconsequential.
A leaf torn from the limb,
Blowing away in the wind.
How are you gonna’ remember him?

There he goes, the broken man,
Convictions too weak to stand,
And there’s a darkness pulling him near,
Watch him disappear.

Didn’t he hold you on that rainy day?
Didn’t you hope it could stay that way
Forever?

There he goes, the broken man,
And here you are,
With your memories intact.
He fades away, so now promise yourself,
There’ll be no taking him back.

Didn’t he lift you on your lowest day?
Didn’t he swing you up to the sun
And say,
Forever?

blogger progression

I suppose it is something unique to blogging,
while we blog we are united as one a community.
But what happens to those who no longer blog?
Should we just be able to forget about them because they are no longer blog?
I whizzed around leaving hugs on blogs today and yes unfortunately deleting some from my watched list, they haven't visited mine so perhaps they feel we don't gel so to say.
my mind went back to those who have passed through these halls - we may never have met but they leave a lasting impression on us.
And then I wondered if I had perhaps lost their blog?
Are they still blogging?
Perhaps they have a new handle?
To those who have gone before
I send my hugs -
and pray that they are happy and well

Fuck Buddies

Fuck buddies
People who help us move on….
Our need for validation and acceptance after the end of a relationship
Is often found through a fuck buddy.
Sometimes that person begins to feel like your life long soul mate.
This is where hurt can set in – where two people do not see eye to eye.
You come together seeking the physical satisfaction that the body yearns for
But the soul is confused and needs time to adjust and heal.
Always keep this in mind when dealing with any relationship –
either both of you want the relationship –
or you don’t
no amount of begging will change a mind that is already set instead it will drive it away!
Fuck buddies can remain long term friends if
You both respect each other’s feelings and realise
That you were there for each other when you needed each other
But life moves on.

Stuck in a bad realtionship

Stuck in a bad relationship

The main reason for people joining dating sites is to find some fun, to add a little spice to their lives.
Many come unprepared to play with the fire they may get caught in.
And so a meeting is arranged and since you are both looking for a little excitement often you do meet some one and you strike a match – wow they are everything you have ever wanted – good in bed always full of compliments – it is the dating game afterall!
You begin to think of each other constantly and tune into each other’s thoughts.
Sometimes this can become an obsessive pattern.
You call, email, make plans, laugh, share your lives, have great sex!
You drop all that is your life now in preference for the new person and then
the bubble bursts for any number of reasons, signifying that this was not meant to last.
The fantasy stops.
Reality Check.
Old issues of self doubt and inadequacy surface.
After a bad relationship ends you must find out who you have become and what you have learned.
You need to learn to accept yourself for what and who you have become only then will it be possible to move on.

There is no point jumping out of a frying pan
only to land in the fire... look before you leap.

To love another you need to love yourself – sex might be great but it is not everything.

Dating sites

I recently came across a review on Adult FriendFinder claiming it to be a farce.
Below is an extract the only part which I read and agreed with......
Encompassing everything from vanilla to fetish - This is the place for married people to meet each other for "friendships with benefits," where recently divorced mid-lifers search for the wildness they feel with great resentment that they missed, and where young people wanting to experiment find willing instructors.

Yesterday I did a post that was declined on the reality of this site, we all come here looking for something.
I will be the first to admit that I came here looking for sex – my first profile stated my goal was to find me a man or I would have to resort to going back to gym! (I swim now…..)

I personally don’t like all the excessive marketing that is going on but…
Let me see now….. is this not the home of swingers?
Is it not quite clearly stated that the gel here is sex?

Yes we do get those uninformed ignorant sods that come here thinking this is a cheap pick up joint but in reality I have made friendships on here – male and female – learnt a little more how the male brain works – considering most are guided by their lower brain giggles where - else could you do that than on a sex site.

Let’s face it as a female we have the pick of the bunch – lucky us – if we have to tolerate some deluded creatures along the I am happy to ignore them – the good guys far out way the bad. I have built up friendships on here that are purely platonic but I know if I ever needed a hand all I would need to do is ask. Yes and that is from the married men too. Even married people get lonely and need some one to talk to. True this is often a place people come to towards the end of their marriages but the crack was there already – they can not say they didn’t come here with open eyes.

So to those people who are here …
and complain about married people …..
please tell me where else we could blog with such open candor?
{when it isn’t being vetted by the big boys}

Judge not lest you yourself be judged.

Did you know there is an end in the word friend

and an over in the word lover?
and between two people there is friendship…
relationships are like ships at sea
facing all kinds of weather.

Friendship has seasons too!
In the beginning everything is fresh and new
Followed by leaves of autumn
bright colours of red and gold,
Fading into the dark cold winter shades.

In the beginning we are caught up in the swirling winds of spring
No time to stop and think of what might be’s we live for today.
Ah those summers of friendship how warm they once were.
The winters creep up and enter often unannounced
The warm sunshine is replaced with cold frosty blasts.
We are reminded that nothing lasts forever
life changes so fast,

Life is meant for living and enjoying,
Life is meant for knowing those who cross our paths.
And for loving the ones that stay a while…
We all need others to help sail our ship of life.

As we approach the autumn of our lives I hope we all
Look back and know
That each leaf we met including ourselves had a purpose
That we look back knowing we made the most of what was offered
No one knows whose life they touch or who they will embrace,
Just by actions that they do or being face to face.
So as you stand among the leaves remember
You too will be remembered as a leaf…
Were you a bright loving giving leaf
Or did you shrivel up before your time….