Remember These Three's:
&&&
These threes will not wait for anybody:
Time - Death - Customer
&&&
These threes we get only once in our lifetime :
Mother - Father - Youth
&&&
These threes, when once out will not return :
An arrow from a bow.
Words from the mouth.
Soul from the body.
&&&
Always keep these threes under cover :
Wealth - Food - Body
&&&
Try to avoid the following three :
Bad company, Selfishness, Gossip
&&&
Focus your mind on the following three :
future - Hard work - Education
&&&
Never forget the following three :
Debt - Duty - Disease
&&&
Always respect the following three :
Mother - Father - Teacher
&&&
Control these three :
Thoughts - Lust - Greed
&&&
Sympathize with these three :
Children - Hungry - Disabled
&&&
Sunday, 30 March 2008
Saturday, 29 March 2008
Cure for blog addiction
The 12-Step Program
1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to, before blogging.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the my blog.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those friends and family who don't blog.
6. I will call someone on the phone and have a one on one conversation.
7. I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can blog.
9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check on my blog.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy blogging.
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time ... and my blog will always be there tomorrow!
1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to, before blogging.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the my blog.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those friends and family who don't blog.
6. I will call someone on the phone and have a one on one conversation.
7. I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can blog.
9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check on my blog.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy blogging.
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time ... and my blog will always be there tomorrow!
How your mind works
1. What is a four letter word that ends in k and means the same thing as intercourse?
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman only has two of?
3. What can you find in a mans pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and woman love it so much that they often blow it?
4. What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5. What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one , you can use your hands?
6. What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts and can make a girl fat?
7. What is it that all men have one of, is longer on some men then others, and a man gives to his wife after they're married?
Answers:
1. talk
2. legs
3. a twenty dollar bill
4. firetruck
5. fork
6. almond joy candy bar
7. last name
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman only has two of?
3. What can you find in a mans pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and woman love it so much that they often blow it?
4. What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5. What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one , you can use your hands?
6. What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts and can make a girl fat?
7. What is it that all men have one of, is longer on some men then others, and a man gives to his wife after they're married?
Answers:
1. talk
2. legs
3. a twenty dollar bill
4. firetruck
5. fork
6. almond joy candy bar
7. last name
the Seven Wonders of the World
Seven wonders of the world!!!
A group of students of Gr 5 were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied,
"Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read,
"I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love."
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple, ordinary take for granted are truly wondrous. A gentle reminder - that the most precious things in life are not manmade.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A group of students of Gr 5 were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied,
"Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read,
"I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love."
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple, ordinary take for granted are truly wondrous. A gentle reminder - that the most precious things in life are not manmade.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Fridays
Be a part of
Red Friday
Support the troops!
Ask a uniformed member of the U.S. military, "What can I do to make things better for you?"
You will likely receive in reply, "We need your support and prayers."
You can show your support of the troops by example:
wear some thing RED every Friday.
Americans who support the troops used to be called the "silent majority". They are no longer silent. They are individually demonstrating support for the troops. They are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. They get little, if any, news media coverage on TV or in newspapers to reflect their message or opinions.
Many Americans simply want a way to show that the vast majority of Americans support their troops. The idea of civilians showing solidarity and support for the troops with dignity and respect will happen every Friday and continue each and every Friday until the troops come home, sending a quiet but deafening message.
By word of mouth and example every Friday --- Americans can make the United States a
SEA OF RED,
much like fans support their team at a homecoming football game. If every individual who supports the troops will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in
RED ON FRIDAY
to let our uniformed military members know that the once "silent majority" is in full support of the troops.
WE LIVE IN THE HOME OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
Red Friday
Support the troops!
Ask a uniformed member of the U.S. military, "What can I do to make things better for you?"
You will likely receive in reply, "We need your support and prayers."
You can show your support of the troops by example:
wear some thing RED every Friday.
Americans who support the troops used to be called the "silent majority". They are no longer silent. They are individually demonstrating support for the troops. They are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. They get little, if any, news media coverage on TV or in newspapers to reflect their message or opinions.
Many Americans simply want a way to show that the vast majority of Americans support their troops. The idea of civilians showing solidarity and support for the troops with dignity and respect will happen every Friday and continue each and every Friday until the troops come home, sending a quiet but deafening message.
By word of mouth and example every Friday --- Americans can make the United States a
SEA OF RED,
much like fans support their team at a homecoming football game. If every individual who supports the troops will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in
RED ON FRIDAY
to let our uniformed military members know that the once "silent majority" is in full support of the troops.
WE LIVE IN THE HOME OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
Fate or coincidence?
Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year with a "0" at the end.
Also notice it goes in increments of 20 years.
1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (dies in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt)
2000: George W. Bush ????????????
And to think that we had two guys fighting it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.
You might also be interested in this.
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker.......
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh?
Also notice it goes in increments of 20 years.
1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (dies in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt)
2000: George W. Bush ????????????
And to think that we had two guys fighting it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.
You might also be interested in this.
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker.......
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
from the world's leaders!
AL GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now.
I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road!
I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road.
I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide.
The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way.
Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
VICE-PRESIDENT CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings.
They could fly if they wanted to.
Chickens don't want to cross the road.
They don't need help crossing the road.
In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers.
Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them.
Down with the roads, up with the chickens.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay!
Isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's what "they" call it-the "other side."
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
GEORGE H. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
.
AL GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now.
I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road!
I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road.
I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide.
The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way.
Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
VICE-PRESIDENT CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings.
They could fly if they wanted to.
Chickens don't want to cross the road.
They don't need help crossing the road.
In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers.
Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them.
Down with the roads, up with the chickens.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay!
Isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's what "they" call it-the "other side."
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
GEORGE H. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
.
Busman's Prayer
The Busman's Prayer
A version of the Lord's Prayer
Our Father, Who art in Hendon
Harrow Road be Thy name
Thy Kingston come
Thy Wimbledon
In Erith as it is in Hendon.
Give us this day our Berkhampstead
And forgive us our Westminsters
As we forgive those who Westminster against us.
Lead us not into Temple Station
And deliver us from Ealing,
For thine is the Kingston
The Purley and the Crawley,
For Iver and Esher,
Crouch End.
Our buses which art in the depot,
Hallowed be thy tyres.
Thy service operate, or thy will be done,
In Chiselhurst as in Hendon,
Give us this day our hourly buses,
And forgive us for not buying our bus tickets,
As we forgive those that smoke on the lower deck,
And lead the bus not in the wrong direction,
But deliver us on time,
For London Transport has the monopoly,
The power and the Glory,
Until the wretched bus breaks down again
A version of the Lord's Prayer
Our Father, Who art in Hendon
Harrow Road be Thy name
Thy Kingston come
Thy Wimbledon
In Erith as it is in Hendon.
Give us this day our Berkhampstead
And forgive us our Westminsters
As we forgive those who Westminster against us.
Lead us not into Temple Station
And deliver us from Ealing,
For thine is the Kingston
The Purley and the Crawley,
For Iver and Esher,
Crouch End.
Our buses which art in the depot,
Hallowed be thy tyres.
Thy service operate, or thy will be done,
In Chiselhurst as in Hendon,
Give us this day our hourly buses,
And forgive us for not buying our bus tickets,
As we forgive those that smoke on the lower deck,
And lead the bus not in the wrong direction,
But deliver us on time,
For London Transport has the monopoly,
The power and the Glory,
Until the wretched bus breaks down again
Language patterns
A breakdown of a man's language pattern!
"I can't find it,"
REALLY MEANS,
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"That's women's work,"
REALLY MEANS,
"It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"
REALLY MEANS,
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"It's a guy thing,"
REALLY MEANS,
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
REALLY MEANS,
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to explain,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately,"
REALLY MEANS,
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"We're going to be late,"
REALLY MEANS,
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear,"
REALLY MEANS,
"Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me,"
REALLY MEANS,
"You want me to stay awake."
"It's really a good movie,"
REALLY MEANS,
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."
"You know how bad my memory is,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I can't find it,"
REALLY MEANS,
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"That's women's work,"
REALLY MEANS,
"It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"
REALLY MEANS,
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"It's a guy thing,"
REALLY MEANS,
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
REALLY MEANS,
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to explain,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately,"
REALLY MEANS,
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"We're going to be late,"
REALLY MEANS,
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear,"
REALLY MEANS,
"Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me,"
REALLY MEANS,
"You want me to stay awake."
"It's really a good movie,"
REALLY MEANS,
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."
"You know how bad my memory is,"
REALLY MEANS,
"I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
Out of the mouthes of sports commnetators
"Sure, there have been deaths in boxing but none of them serious."
(Alan Minter)
"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
(Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator)
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him."
(New Zealand rugby commentator Murray Mexted)
"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
(Ted Walsh - horse racing commentator)
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
(Winston Bennett)
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it, which is identical."
(Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator)
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and mother."
Greg Norman)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
(Terry Venables - Soccer Coach)
"I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
(Ron Atkinson - soccer coach)
"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
(Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977)
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field"
(Metro Radio)
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang in the air for even longer."
(David Acfield)
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack. Will you stay in football?
(Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live)
"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
(David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.....Oh my God! What have I just said?!!!"
(US PGA Commentator)
"For those of you who are watching in black and white, the blue is behind the brown"
(Ted Lowe, Snooker commentator)
.
(Alan Minter)
"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
(Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator)
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him."
(New Zealand rugby commentator Murray Mexted)
"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
(Ted Walsh - horse racing commentator)
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
(Winston Bennett)
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it, which is identical."
(Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator)
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and mother."
Greg Norman)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
(Terry Venables - Soccer Coach)
"I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
(Ron Atkinson - soccer coach)
"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
(Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977)
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field"
(Metro Radio)
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang in the air for even longer."
(David Acfield)
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack. Will you stay in football?
(Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live)
"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
(David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.....Oh my God! What have I just said?!!!"
(US PGA Commentator)
"For those of you who are watching in black and white, the blue is behind the brown"
(Ted Lowe, Snooker commentator)
.
Lets face it...
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Thank goodness no more errors
I have a spell in chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques for my revue
Miss steaks I kin knot see
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee four two long
And eye can put the error rite
It's rare lea ever wrong.
Eye strike a quay and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather I am wrong or write
It shows me strait a weigh.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased too no
It's letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques for my revue
Miss steaks I kin knot see
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee four two long
And eye can put the error rite
It's rare lea ever wrong.
Eye strike a quay and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather I am wrong or write
It shows me strait a weigh.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased too no
It's letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
For a happy life...
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be instantly removed.
Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't use the duct tape.
8.Be good to family and friends. You never know when you need them to empty your bedpan.
Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't use the duct tape.
8.Be good to family and friends. You never know when you need them to empty your bedpan.
What really matters
When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he’s with you, clear to the end
And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
.
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he’s with you, clear to the end
And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
.
Seas of old
In seas of old there was an old language that has been carried down through the ages... some sayings from the old seas.. hope you enjoy them.
Blue Monday
Sailors who were guilty of wrongdoings had these charged against them in the Captain's daily log book. Punishment was administered on Monday - a "Blue Monday" indeed. Oftentimes the punishment did not fit the crime and seems overly harsh to us.
Let the Cat out of the Bag
Today this expression usually means that you have said something to someone that you should have kept to yourself. In the days when sails ruled the oceans such an expression brought fear to even the strongest sailor. The sailor would have been guilty of a crime that would have brought out the whip, or "cat-o'-nine-tails," from its bag, and a brutal whipping would be administered.
Carried Away
Today you might get so angry that you get "carried away," or become out of control. In sailing days, this expression meant that some piece of rigging had broken and was "carried away."
The Bitter End
Nowadays we hold on "to the bitter end." In sailing language, the "bitts" were vertical wooden beams through which the anchor cables passed. If all the ship's cables were run out, the small amount that remained on board was referred to as "the bitter end."
Long Shot
"Not by a long shot" had its origins in naval warfare. Cannons employed in those days had an effective range of less than 50 yards. Thus anything in excess of this distance was considered "a long shot."
Windfall
Blessed is the person who comes into a "windfall," or unexpected sum of money. In sailing ship days, the Royal Navy reserved large tracts of land in Great Britain that had tall, straight trees for boat construction and for masts. If one tree blew down, however, the manager of this land could claim it for his own. A good bit of fortune or "a windfall" for him.
Posh This is a term used today to denote the best accommodations. Aboard the British P&O vessels that sailed between India and Britain and through the stifling Red Sea it was advisable to have a cabin that was on the shaded side of the ship. These were the highly prized cabins and the ones for which you paid extra. Thus, for the additional fee, your ticket was stamped
"POSH" and meant "Port-Out, Starboard Home."
High and Dry To be "high and dry" these days probably means that you feel out of your element. In sailing terms it means pretty much the same thing. A ship that was beached for repairs was said to be "high and dry" when the tide went out and allowed workers to repair the bottom.
Aboveboard
A person who deals honestly is said to be "aboveboard." When pirates sailed the seas, they had a rather sneaky practice of keeping many of their crew below decks. Thus, when a merchant ship loaded with treasure caught sight of a pirate ship, only a few crew members would be visible. The pirate vessel could then capture the luckless ship by employing their below-decks crew. Honest captains kept their crew "above board."s
A-1
Nowadays this expression denotes the very best. Lloyd's of London, the world-famous insurance firm, adopted this expression to show that its vessels were A - in superior condition in regard to the ship's hull - and 1 - in the best condition regarding the gear.
Hands Off
An expression that comes to us from the earliest period of sailing vessels. Sailors were considered a rough group of men, and were not permitted to have weapons except when in combat. The one exception to this was a knife that was part of every sailor's kit bag. But should that sailor draw his knife in anger against another man, British Admiralty law dealt harshly with him - the man would lose his hand.
At Loggerheads
Today this term means a strained relationship between two individuals. In sailing terms, "the loggerhead" was a tool used to spread hot pitch (tar) in the seams between the planks of a vessel. It was a hot and dangerous job, and the sailor's tempers were short. Fights would break out and - you guessed it - the tool that was used was the loggerhead.
Blue Monday
Sailors who were guilty of wrongdoings had these charged against them in the Captain's daily log book. Punishment was administered on Monday - a "Blue Monday" indeed. Oftentimes the punishment did not fit the crime and seems overly harsh to us.
Let the Cat out of the Bag
Today this expression usually means that you have said something to someone that you should have kept to yourself. In the days when sails ruled the oceans such an expression brought fear to even the strongest sailor. The sailor would have been guilty of a crime that would have brought out the whip, or "cat-o'-nine-tails," from its bag, and a brutal whipping would be administered.
Carried Away
Today you might get so angry that you get "carried away," or become out of control. In sailing days, this expression meant that some piece of rigging had broken and was "carried away."
The Bitter End
Nowadays we hold on "to the bitter end." In sailing language, the "bitts" were vertical wooden beams through which the anchor cables passed. If all the ship's cables were run out, the small amount that remained on board was referred to as "the bitter end."
Long Shot
"Not by a long shot" had its origins in naval warfare. Cannons employed in those days had an effective range of less than 50 yards. Thus anything in excess of this distance was considered "a long shot."
Windfall
Blessed is the person who comes into a "windfall," or unexpected sum of money. In sailing ship days, the Royal Navy reserved large tracts of land in Great Britain that had tall, straight trees for boat construction and for masts. If one tree blew down, however, the manager of this land could claim it for his own. A good bit of fortune or "a windfall" for him.
Posh This is a term used today to denote the best accommodations. Aboard the British P&O vessels that sailed between India and Britain and through the stifling Red Sea it was advisable to have a cabin that was on the shaded side of the ship. These were the highly prized cabins and the ones for which you paid extra. Thus, for the additional fee, your ticket was stamped
"POSH" and meant "Port-Out, Starboard Home."
High and Dry To be "high and dry" these days probably means that you feel out of your element. In sailing terms it means pretty much the same thing. A ship that was beached for repairs was said to be "high and dry" when the tide went out and allowed workers to repair the bottom.
Aboveboard
A person who deals honestly is said to be "aboveboard." When pirates sailed the seas, they had a rather sneaky practice of keeping many of their crew below decks. Thus, when a merchant ship loaded with treasure caught sight of a pirate ship, only a few crew members would be visible. The pirate vessel could then capture the luckless ship by employing their below-decks crew. Honest captains kept their crew "above board."s
A-1
Nowadays this expression denotes the very best. Lloyd's of London, the world-famous insurance firm, adopted this expression to show that its vessels were A - in superior condition in regard to the ship's hull - and 1 - in the best condition regarding the gear.
Hands Off
An expression that comes to us from the earliest period of sailing vessels. Sailors were considered a rough group of men, and were not permitted to have weapons except when in combat. The one exception to this was a knife that was part of every sailor's kit bag. But should that sailor draw his knife in anger against another man, British Admiralty law dealt harshly with him - the man would lose his hand.
At Loggerheads
Today this term means a strained relationship between two individuals. In sailing terms, "the loggerhead" was a tool used to spread hot pitch (tar) in the seams between the planks of a vessel. It was a hot and dangerous job, and the sailor's tempers were short. Fights would break out and - you guessed it - the tool that was used was the loggerhead.
Dating profile questions
Are you looking for adventure?
Do you want someone who is close and convenient?
Do you want a lover who has a voracious appetite for sex and a high degree of stamina?
Do you want a lover who is trustworthy, patient, loves to teach and knows how to make you feel comfortable?
Do you want a fair, conscientious, take charge man who has the means and time to share with one special woman?
Do you want a lover who will give you all of his attention and not see other women?
Do you want a lover who only wants simple, easy going fun and pleasure, just clean, safe, adult fun?
Do want a lover who can be sexy, make love for hours and never get possessive?
Can you allow yourself to enjoy pleasure and passion without promises?
Are looking for a lover who will accept you for who you are or who you are pretending to be and doesn't need to know your real name, where you work or where you live?
Are you tired of the ‘boys’ who are still exploring and don't really know how to make you feel like a real woman?
Do you enjoy dominant, kind, nurturing, honest, caring, supportive, positive, frank, direct, funny, down-to-earth, mature, 6 foot+ sexually controlling men?
Do you want to be told what to do behind closed doors?
Would you be intimidated by a gentleman who is simply honest about making you enjoy being his sex-slave?
Would you rather have a gentleman lover who would enjoy being your cabana boy or sex-slave and do anything you ask him to do in the bedroom?
If you like what you read here would you like to meet me for coffee or cocktails to test chemistry?
If we click would you want to go to a nice safe place?
(it has to be nice because I detest seediness)
Do you like foreplay?
Would you enjoy me playing with your body as my sex-toy in ways you may've only read about with lots of massage, petting, kissing, sucking and cuddling?
Would you like to feel my hot-breath on your pussy before I remove your panties?
Would you want me to bring your clit into my mouth as I'm removing your panties and put suction on your clit with staccato tongue action until you cum, massage and lick your vagina lips until you cum?
Would you enjoy a vaginal massage that makes you cum several times before penetration?
Does your current lover give your pussy a massage that delivers the G-Spot orgasm?
Do you think you’d like to ‘surf the wave’ of lots of little climaxes before being penetrated and having the really big one?
Do you want a lover whose greatest satisfaction comes from giving YOU pleasure?
Do you want a lover that wants to make your fantasies come true, over and over and take you to that place where time stops and nothing "out there" matters for the moment?
Would you like to have an experienced lover that is good enough to make intercourse anti-climactic?
Are looking for a lover who can take your mind and body into his arms and give you major back-arching, teeth-clenching, breath rasping shuddering climaxes?
Do you agree that one of the benefits of having an older man as your lover is that his satisfaction is no longer about him, it's all about YOU?
Have you ever made love with a man without having intercourse?
Do you agree that making love and intercourse are not the same?
Are you secure enough as a lover to let your lover know what you are craving and what is off limits?
Do you want a lover whose tongue, lips, fingers and penis will deliver the sensation you are craving?
Do like to be teased in bed?
Would you rather have a lover who will please you and not tease you?
Do want a lover who knows how to please a woman and make his fat penis throb deep inside you?
Does the mental image of being mounted and fucked with my thick, throbbing penis turn you off or on?
Do you want a lover who will bang your body like a little boy with a new drum until you scream?
Have you ever wondered what might happen if you were arrested and taken into custody and subjected to a strip search and a full body cavity examination?
Have you ever thought what it would be like to be secretly molested by your doctor?
Do you have a secret crush on someone at work or school?
Have you ever wanted to SAFELY get picked up in a bar?
Have you seen a lot of other profiles like this one?
Do you want someone who is close and convenient?
Do you want a lover who has a voracious appetite for sex and a high degree of stamina?
Do you want a lover who is trustworthy, patient, loves to teach and knows how to make you feel comfortable?
Do you want a fair, conscientious, take charge man who has the means and time to share with one special woman?
Do you want a lover who will give you all of his attention and not see other women?
Do you want a lover who only wants simple, easy going fun and pleasure, just clean, safe, adult fun?
Do want a lover who can be sexy, make love for hours and never get possessive?
Can you allow yourself to enjoy pleasure and passion without promises?
Are looking for a lover who will accept you for who you are or who you are pretending to be and doesn't need to know your real name, where you work or where you live?
Are you tired of the ‘boys’ who are still exploring and don't really know how to make you feel like a real woman?
Do you enjoy dominant, kind, nurturing, honest, caring, supportive, positive, frank, direct, funny, down-to-earth, mature, 6 foot+ sexually controlling men?
Do you want to be told what to do behind closed doors?
Would you be intimidated by a gentleman who is simply honest about making you enjoy being his sex-slave?
Would you rather have a gentleman lover who would enjoy being your cabana boy or sex-slave and do anything you ask him to do in the bedroom?
If you like what you read here would you like to meet me for coffee or cocktails to test chemistry?
If we click would you want to go to a nice safe place?
(it has to be nice because I detest seediness)
Do you like foreplay?
Would you enjoy me playing with your body as my sex-toy in ways you may've only read about with lots of massage, petting, kissing, sucking and cuddling?
Would you like to feel my hot-breath on your pussy before I remove your panties?
Would you want me to bring your clit into my mouth as I'm removing your panties and put suction on your clit with staccato tongue action until you cum, massage and lick your vagina lips until you cum?
Would you enjoy a vaginal massage that makes you cum several times before penetration?
Does your current lover give your pussy a massage that delivers the G-Spot orgasm?
Do you think you’d like to ‘surf the wave’ of lots of little climaxes before being penetrated and having the really big one?
Do you want a lover whose greatest satisfaction comes from giving YOU pleasure?
Do you want a lover that wants to make your fantasies come true, over and over and take you to that place where time stops and nothing "out there" matters for the moment?
Would you like to have an experienced lover that is good enough to make intercourse anti-climactic?
Are looking for a lover who can take your mind and body into his arms and give you major back-arching, teeth-clenching, breath rasping shuddering climaxes?
Do you agree that one of the benefits of having an older man as your lover is that his satisfaction is no longer about him, it's all about YOU?
Have you ever made love with a man without having intercourse?
Do you agree that making love and intercourse are not the same?
Are you secure enough as a lover to let your lover know what you are craving and what is off limits?
Do you want a lover whose tongue, lips, fingers and penis will deliver the sensation you are craving?
Do like to be teased in bed?
Would you rather have a lover who will please you and not tease you?
Do want a lover who knows how to please a woman and make his fat penis throb deep inside you?
Does the mental image of being mounted and fucked with my thick, throbbing penis turn you off or on?
Do you want a lover who will bang your body like a little boy with a new drum until you scream?
Have you ever wondered what might happen if you were arrested and taken into custody and subjected to a strip search and a full body cavity examination?
Have you ever thought what it would be like to be secretly molested by your doctor?
Do you have a secret crush on someone at work or school?
Have you ever wanted to SAFELY get picked up in a bar?
Have you seen a lot of other profiles like this one?
Opposing thoughts
Newton's Law
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
My law
For every proverb there is an equal and opposite proverb.
On the one hand,
He who hesitates is lost.
You snooze, you lose.
On the other hand,
Look before you leap.
Act in haste, repent in leisure.
I have given up on investments and offers that stress the importance of "you snooze, you lose". Many of them are scams or at best can only be conquered by a small number of people no matter how hard everyone tries.
On the one hand,
A stitch in time saves nine
On the other hand,
To take one stitch you must get out the sewing kit, thread the needle, take the stitch, tie the knot, and put the sewing kit away again. Sometimes it is better to wait until you need to take several stitches so you only have to take the sewing kit out once, do the stitches, and put away the sewing kit once.
On the one hand,
(Regarding merging traffic) Approaching an entrance ramp you have no business being in the rightmost lane.
On the other hand,
(Regarding keeping to the right except to overtake) If there is an empty lane to your right you are in the wrong lane.
So on an ordinary divided highway what lane are you supposed to drive in? For better or worse here is a compromise. Move to the left when approaching an on-ramp. There is at least one rule in your favor, it is unwise to overtake at an intersection. Except you should avoid sudden movements, so a driver behind you at least has a choice of overtaking on the right before reaching the ramp
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
My law
For every proverb there is an equal and opposite proverb.
On the one hand,
He who hesitates is lost.
You snooze, you lose.
On the other hand,
Look before you leap.
Act in haste, repent in leisure.
I have given up on investments and offers that stress the importance of "you snooze, you lose". Many of them are scams or at best can only be conquered by a small number of people no matter how hard everyone tries.
On the one hand,
A stitch in time saves nine
On the other hand,
To take one stitch you must get out the sewing kit, thread the needle, take the stitch, tie the knot, and put the sewing kit away again. Sometimes it is better to wait until you need to take several stitches so you only have to take the sewing kit out once, do the stitches, and put away the sewing kit once.
On the one hand,
(Regarding merging traffic) Approaching an entrance ramp you have no business being in the rightmost lane.
On the other hand,
(Regarding keeping to the right except to overtake) If there is an empty lane to your right you are in the wrong lane.
So on an ordinary divided highway what lane are you supposed to drive in? For better or worse here is a compromise. Move to the left when approaching an on-ramp. There is at least one rule in your favor, it is unwise to overtake at an intersection. Except you should avoid sudden movements, so a driver behind you at least has a choice of overtaking on the right before reaching the ramp
Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey
In the heydey of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling of the deck?
The best storege method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus a supply of thirty cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was one problem-how to prevent the bottom layeer from sliding/rolling under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with sixteen round indentations. But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."
Few landlubbers realize that brass conducts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" (And all this time you thought it was an improper saying, didn't you?)
The best storege method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus a supply of thirty cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was one problem-how to prevent the bottom layeer from sliding/rolling under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with sixteen round indentations. But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."
Few landlubbers realize that brass conducts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" (And all this time you thought it was an improper saying, didn't you?)
Anyone can stand by you when you are right,
Anyone can stand by you when you are right,
but a Friend will stand by you even when you are wrong.
A simple friend identifies himself when he calls.
A real friend doesn't have to.
A simple friend opens a conversation
with a full news bulletin on his life.
A real friend says, "What's new with you?"
A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are recent.
A real friend says, "You've been whining about the same thing
for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it."
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his/her address book.
A simple friend hates it when you call after she has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over
when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship
until after you've had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for him/her.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
Thank you for being a REAL FRIEND!
but a Friend will stand by you even when you are wrong.
A simple friend identifies himself when he calls.
A real friend doesn't have to.
A simple friend opens a conversation
with a full news bulletin on his life.
A real friend says, "What's new with you?"
A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are recent.
A real friend says, "You've been whining about the same thing
for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it."
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his/her address book.
A simple friend hates it when you call after she has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over
when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship
until after you've had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for him/her.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
Thank you for being a REAL FRIEND!
Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday
Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.
Out of the mouths of babes
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!."
On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. "A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says
not to eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal.
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!."
On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. "A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says
not to eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal.
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
Out of the mouths of babes
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!."
On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. "A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says
not to eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal.
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!."
On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. "A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says
not to eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal.
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
I love you I hate you
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,
and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,
and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
My next life....
I want to live my next life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy;
go collect your pension,
then when you start work,
you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party,
you're generally promiscuous and you get ready
for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have
no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day,
and then,
you finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy;
go collect your pension,
then when you start work,
you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party,
you're generally promiscuous and you get ready
for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have
no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day,
and then,
you finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case.
Tolerating men...
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
If only I could get hold of him!
AMEN
!
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
If only I could get hold of him!
AMEN
!
Always stuck in the middle
Daddy?
Yes Son...
Where is God?
In Heaven Son...high above us
Daddy?
Yes Son...
Where is the Devil?
In Hell Son....deep below us
Daddy?
Yes son...
Where are we?
Stuck in the middle Son...
Always stuck in the middle
Yes Son...
Where is God?
In Heaven Son...high above us
Daddy?
Yes Son...
Where is the Devil?
In Hell Son....deep below us
Daddy?
Yes son...
Where are we?
Stuck in the middle Son...
Always stuck in the middle
Monday, 24 March 2008
Difference between a man and a woman
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance
Wonders of chocolate
Good Living
is an act of intelligence,
by which we choose things
which have an agreeable taste
rather than those which do not.
Brillat-Savarin
m
The 12-step chocoholics program:
NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!
m
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces
Judith Viorst
m
Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets Milton Zelman, publisher of "Chocolate News"
m
A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.
m
There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE
Linda Grayson, "The Pickwick Papers"
m
Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate! E
Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences
m
Forget love-- I'd rather fall in chocolate!!!
m
Nobody knows the truffles I've seen!
m
A true chocolate lover finds ways to accommodate his passion and make it work with his lifestyle. One key, not just to keeping weight down and staying guilt-free, but also to keeping taste buds sharp (essential for the professionals who evaluate new products as well as judge recipes), Is being discriminating. Julie Davis of the Los Angeles Times, 10/30/85
m
Seen recently on a tee shirt ~ EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.
m
This guy found a bottle on the ocean, and he opened it and out popped a genie, and he gave him three wishes. The guy wished for a million dollars, and poof! there was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! there was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women... poof! he turned into a box of chocolates.
m
It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man. Miranda Ingram
m
Exercise is a dirty word... Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
m
Chocolate is good for three things. Two of 'em cannot be mentioned on public television.
m
Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.
m
A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine.
m
I am a serious chocoholic. For the serious chocoholic, chocolate is better than sex. If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind. If you HAVE met that special someone and still believe that, I REALLY NEED to know where you get your chocolate!!!
m
Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.
Lora Brody, author of Growing Up on the Chocolate Diet
m
Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get.
Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)
m
In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.
m
Chocolate in the morning is what makes moms get through their day!
m
Chocolate doesn't make the world go around ... but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile!
m
Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can.
m
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22
m
Chocolate: luscious, lumpy. load of love......
m
... the taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex... For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate... entirely by myself. Furtiveness makes it better. Dr. Ruth Westheimer
m
Simply put... everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!
m
is an act of intelligence,
by which we choose things
which have an agreeable taste
rather than those which do not.
Brillat-Savarin
m
The 12-step chocoholics program:
NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!
m
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces
Judith Viorst
m
Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets Milton Zelman, publisher of "Chocolate News"
m
A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.
m
There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE
Linda Grayson, "The Pickwick Papers"
m
Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate! E
Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences
m
Forget love-- I'd rather fall in chocolate!!!
m
Nobody knows the truffles I've seen!
m
A true chocolate lover finds ways to accommodate his passion and make it work with his lifestyle. One key, not just to keeping weight down and staying guilt-free, but also to keeping taste buds sharp (essential for the professionals who evaluate new products as well as judge recipes), Is being discriminating. Julie Davis of the Los Angeles Times, 10/30/85
m
Seen recently on a tee shirt ~ EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.
m
This guy found a bottle on the ocean, and he opened it and out popped a genie, and he gave him three wishes. The guy wished for a million dollars, and poof! there was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! there was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women... poof! he turned into a box of chocolates.
m
It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man. Miranda Ingram
m
Exercise is a dirty word... Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
m
Chocolate is good for three things. Two of 'em cannot be mentioned on public television.
m
Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.
m
A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine.
m
I am a serious chocoholic. For the serious chocoholic, chocolate is better than sex. If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind. If you HAVE met that special someone and still believe that, I REALLY NEED to know where you get your chocolate!!!
m
Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.
Lora Brody, author of Growing Up on the Chocolate Diet
m
Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get.
Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)
m
In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.
m
Chocolate in the morning is what makes moms get through their day!
m
Chocolate doesn't make the world go around ... but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile!
m
Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can.
m
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22
m
Chocolate: luscious, lumpy. load of love......
m
... the taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex... For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate... entirely by myself. Furtiveness makes it better. Dr. Ruth Westheimer
m
Simply put... everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!
m
Chocolate rules
If you've got melted chocolate on your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. Solution: Eat it in the parking lot
Diet Tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all of your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all of your chocolate, what is wrong with you?
If calories are as issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
Money talks. Chocolate sings.
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
Put "Eat Chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
Q. Why is there no such organization as "Chocoholics Anonymous"?
A. Because no one wants to quit
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. Solution: Eat it in the parking lot
Diet Tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all of your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all of your chocolate, what is wrong with you?
If calories are as issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
Money talks. Chocolate sings.
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
Put "Eat Chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
Q. Why is there no such organization as "Chocoholics Anonymous"?
A. Because no one wants to quit
My Diet Plan
~After some of the comments on a previous post Sit on my face.... I am going to have to loose some weight!~
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 Slice wholewheat bread
3 oz. skim milk
MID MORNING SNACK
Packet of hot chips
Large bottle of Coke
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of Oreos
2 Pints of Rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
nuts, cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2 loaves of garlic bread with cheese
Large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 large chocolate bars
MID LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire frozen cheese cake
eaten directly from the freezer
RULES FOR THIS DIET!
If you eat something and no one sees you it has no calories!
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
When you eat with some on else, calories don't count if you don't eat more food than they do!
Foods used for medicinal purposes never count, for example hot chocolate, brandy, toast and cheesecake.
If you fatten up everyone else around you then you look thinner.
Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples are milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints, red hots and rolls.
Cookie peices contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
Examples; peanut butter on a knife when making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon when making a sundae.
Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories.
Examples spinach and pistachio ice cream, or mushrooms and white chocolate.
Note: chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 Slice wholewheat bread
3 oz. skim milk
MID MORNING SNACK
Packet of hot chips
Large bottle of Coke
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of Oreos
2 Pints of Rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
nuts, cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2 loaves of garlic bread with cheese
Large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 large chocolate bars
MID LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire frozen cheese cake
eaten directly from the freezer
RULES FOR THIS DIET!
If you eat something and no one sees you it has no calories!
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
When you eat with some on else, calories don't count if you don't eat more food than they do!
Foods used for medicinal purposes never count, for example hot chocolate, brandy, toast and cheesecake.
If you fatten up everyone else around you then you look thinner.
Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples are milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints, red hots and rolls.
Cookie peices contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
Examples; peanut butter on a knife when making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon when making a sundae.
Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories.
Examples spinach and pistachio ice cream, or mushrooms and white chocolate.
Note: chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.
Ode to my hedgehog
He ambles along like a walking pincushion,
Stops and curls up like a chestnut burr.
He's not worried because he's so little.
Nobody is going to slap him around.
ninth-century Chinese poet Chu Chen Pu
Apparently, nobody has. Hedgehogs, we have discovered from the fossil record and from reconstructions of their family tree, have been around since the late Cretaceous. They survived not only the extinction that wiped out the large dinosaurs but also later catastrophes that killed off great numbers of other mammals.
Smiles and I have one living in my garden!
Stops and curls up like a chestnut burr.
He's not worried because he's so little.
Nobody is going to slap him around.
ninth-century Chinese poet Chu Chen Pu
Apparently, nobody has. Hedgehogs, we have discovered from the fossil record and from reconstructions of their family tree, have been around since the late Cretaceous. They survived not only the extinction that wiped out the large dinosaurs but also later catastrophes that killed off great numbers of other mammals.
Smiles and I have one living in my garden!
Friends without faces and odd titles
FRIENDS WITHOUT FACES
(and some that do)
We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens
We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.
With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze
Looking for something or someone, as we sit in a daze.
We chat with each other, we type all our woes
Small groups we do form, and gang up on our foes.
We wait for somebody, to type out our name
We want recognition, but it is always the same.
We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt
In IMs we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.
We do form friendships - but - why we don't know
But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.
Why is it on screen, we can be so bold
Telling our secrets, that have never been told.
Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind
With those we can't see, as though we were blind.
The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell.
We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.
We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must
So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust.
Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains
They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.
(and some that do)
We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens
We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.
With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze
Looking for something or someone, as we sit in a daze.
We chat with each other, we type all our woes
Small groups we do form, and gang up on our foes.
We wait for somebody, to type out our name
We want recognition, but it is always the same.
We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt
In IMs we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.
We do form friendships - but - why we don't know
But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.
Why is it on screen, we can be so bold
Telling our secrets, that have never been told.
Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind
With those we can't see, as though we were blind.
The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell.
We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.
We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must
So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust.
Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains
They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.
Friends in blogland
There's a land where I go when I need to share
that's not on a map, yet exists everywhere.
A land of names without faces, a curious place
A modern creation thats called cyber-space.
There's all sorts of people with cute little names
Oh so many with all sorts of names
Some are just snobs and some are real fun.
And some of them just want to find someone.
But both good and bad they all play a role.
Still each one unique, but part of the whole.
We talk and laugh and wonder why.
We flirt and hug and sometimes cry.
We can't be heard and can't be seen.
Yet, there it is, right on our screen.
But all in all the most curious part
The the power it has to open our heart.
To share with a stranger those things we've concealed
Which to our closest of friends we'd never reveal.
Our deepest regrets and most troubling fears
The scars in our life which bring us to tears.
What gives them the power to reach into me
and show me the truths that I never see
How do they manage to open my eyes
And make me confess the deceit and the lies.
I don't understand this magical spell.
But I know that without it my life would be hell.
This must have been planned by the Creator up above.
Cause there's no place on earth where you'll find as much love.
When I need direction I know I can find
those angels from heaven just waiting online
that's not on a map, yet exists everywhere.
A land of names without faces, a curious place
A modern creation thats called cyber-space.
There's all sorts of people with cute little names
Oh so many with all sorts of names
Some are just snobs and some are real fun.
And some of them just want to find someone.
But both good and bad they all play a role.
Still each one unique, but part of the whole.
We talk and laugh and wonder why.
We flirt and hug and sometimes cry.
We can't be heard and can't be seen.
Yet, there it is, right on our screen.
But all in all the most curious part
The the power it has to open our heart.
To share with a stranger those things we've concealed
Which to our closest of friends we'd never reveal.
Our deepest regrets and most troubling fears
The scars in our life which bring us to tears.
What gives them the power to reach into me
and show me the truths that I never see
How do they manage to open my eyes
And make me confess the deceit and the lies.
I don't understand this magical spell.
But I know that without it my life would be hell.
This must have been planned by the Creator up above.
Cause there's no place on earth where you'll find as much love.
When I need direction I know I can find
those angels from heaven just waiting online
Bewarwe the cyberman
He'll watch you in the chat rooms
To win you is his goal
He'll woo you and pursue you
He'll charm your very soul.
So when you get an e-mail
And it seems to fill your needs
You go ahead and answer
Not thinking where it leads.
He plays you songs of romance
That get your juices flowing
He's sweet and kind and lovable
And suddenly you're glowing.
When you're in his clutches
And he has you feeling willing
He'll break your heart and drop you
He knows he's made his killing.
He'll change his name,
Start anew, and find another quarry
You'll be crying bitter tears
While he's not even sorry.
He preys upon the lonely
He knows just how to please
He'll send you virtual flowers
And he'll bring you to your knees
So ladies while you're surfing
Use caution, all you can
Have fun but heed the dangers
Beware the Cyberman!!!
To win you is his goal
He'll woo you and pursue you
He'll charm your very soul.
So when you get an e-mail
And it seems to fill your needs
You go ahead and answer
Not thinking where it leads.
He plays you songs of romance
That get your juices flowing
He's sweet and kind and lovable
And suddenly you're glowing.
When you're in his clutches
And he has you feeling willing
He'll break your heart and drop you
He knows he's made his killing.
He'll change his name,
Start anew, and find another quarry
You'll be crying bitter tears
While he's not even sorry.
He preys upon the lonely
He knows just how to please
He'll send you virtual flowers
And he'll bring you to your knees
So ladies while you're surfing
Use caution, all you can
Have fun but heed the dangers
Beware the Cyberman!!!
People we neet
I've met people that have spoken the truth and I didn't believe them.
I've met people that have spoken lies and I was betrayed.
I've met people that were true and it took some time to accept them.
I've met people that were fake and it took some time to reject them.
I never lie to people, I never hide from people.
I always reveal my self from the shades.
I always reveal my self from the veil of mystery.
I'm always true, I may not be a whole, but what is there is always true.
I am a puzzle of thousand pieces if you put it together you will know me.
Naked from any missperception, naked from any visual defacement, naked from any clothing mental or physical.
Take your time and discover me. I'll take mine to discover you.
You may trick my mind.
You may trick my vision.
You may trick my sight.
But you may never trick my heart.
I've met people that have spoken lies and I was betrayed.
I've met people that were true and it took some time to accept them.
I've met people that were fake and it took some time to reject them.
I never lie to people, I never hide from people.
I always reveal my self from the shades.
I always reveal my self from the veil of mystery.
I'm always true, I may not be a whole, but what is there is always true.
I am a puzzle of thousand pieces if you put it together you will know me.
Naked from any missperception, naked from any visual defacement, naked from any clothing mental or physical.
Take your time and discover me. I'll take mine to discover you.
You may trick my mind.
You may trick my vision.
You may trick my sight.
But you may never trick my heart.
May you never be stalked
Most of us come innocently to blogland...
I remember the days when I said I would never talk to any one unless they had a blog!
Then I come across a person who has two blogs on here and very different profiles! Her business if she had just not gone out of her way to hurt me!
In the beginning one of my favourite blogs belonged to a wonderful couple - one white and the other black... they were so beautiful and open and moving... they left this site because of the negativity.
I have seen people come and go - some I managed to follow to other sites - me a stalker oh dear well at least they told me how to find them!
Below is poem I found and thought I would share with you...
Be aware a stalker is not necessarily a man!
May you never be stalked and if you are may it never be malicious!
I remember the days when I said I would never talk to any one unless they had a blog!
Then I come across a person who has two blogs on here and very different profiles! Her business if she had just not gone out of her way to hurt me!
In the beginning one of my favourite blogs belonged to a wonderful couple - one white and the other black... they were so beautiful and open and moving... they left this site because of the negativity.
I have seen people come and go - some I managed to follow to other sites - me a stalker oh dear well at least they told me how to find them!
Below is poem I found and thought I would share with you...
Be aware a stalker is not necessarily a man!
May you never be stalked and if you are may it never be malicious!
Hugs
@~~>~~~* HUGS * ~~~<~~@
There's something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart;
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part.
A hug's a way to share the joy
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cause you're you.
Hugs are meant for anyone
For whom we really care,
From your grandma to your neighbor,
Or a cuddly teddy bear.
A hug is an amazing thing -
It's just the perfect way
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say.
It's funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and language,
It's always understood.
And hugs don't need new equipment,
Special batteries or parts -
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts.
There's something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart;
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part.
A hug's a way to share the joy
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cause you're you.
Hugs are meant for anyone
For whom we really care,
From your grandma to your neighbor,
Or a cuddly teddy bear.
A hug is an amazing thing -
It's just the perfect way
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say.
It's funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and language,
It's always understood.
And hugs don't need new equipment,
Special batteries or parts -
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts.
Prayer for the stressed
A Prayer for the Stressed
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can not accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give my 100% at work.
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
05% on Friday.
Help me to remember that when I am having a really
bad day and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
That it takes 42 muscles to frown,
And only 4 muscles to extend my middle
finger and tell them to BITE ME!
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can not accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give my 100% at work.
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
05% on Friday.
Help me to remember that when I am having a really
bad day and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
That it takes 42 muscles to frown,
And only 4 muscles to extend my middle
finger and tell them to BITE ME!
One day a mother died
And on that clear, cold morning,
in the warmth of her bedroom,
the daughter was struck with
the pain of learning that sometimes
there isn't any more.
No more hugs,
no more lucky moments to celebrate together,
no more phone calls just to chat,
No more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.
Never to return before we can say good-bye,
Say "I Love You."
So while we have it. it's best we love it.
And care for it and fix it when it's broken
and take good care of it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage .... and friendships ..
And children with bad report cards;
And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents
We keep them because they are worth it,
Because we cherish them!
Some things we keep --
like a best friend who moved away
or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that
make us happy, No matter what.
Life is important,
and so are the people we know.
And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone today
who thought I was a 'KEEPER'!
Then I sent It to the people
I Think of in the same way!
Now it's your turn to send this to all those people
who Are "keepers" in your life!
Thank you very much
For being a special part of MY Life!
in the warmth of her bedroom,
the daughter was struck with
the pain of learning that sometimes
there isn't any more.
No more hugs,
no more lucky moments to celebrate together,
no more phone calls just to chat,
No more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.
Never to return before we can say good-bye,
Say "I Love You."
So while we have it. it's best we love it.
And care for it and fix it when it's broken
and take good care of it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage .... and friendships ..
And children with bad report cards;
And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents
We keep them because they are worth it,
Because we cherish them!
Some things we keep --
like a best friend who moved away
or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that
make us happy, No matter what.
Life is important,
and so are the people we know.
And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone today
who thought I was a 'KEEPER'!
Then I sent It to the people
I Think of in the same way!
Now it's your turn to send this to all those people
who Are "keepers" in your life!
Thank you very much
For being a special part of MY Life!
Letters from the heart of a man
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
Men are NOT mind readers.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become
null and void after 7 Days.
If you won't dress like the
Victoria 's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like
soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat,
you probably are.
Don't ask us.
If something we said can be
interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
If it itches,
it will be scratched.
We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
We will act like nothing is wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question
you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere in a hurry,
absolutely anything you wear is fine.
REALLY!
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
Just saying it as it is....
Now here are the rules from the male side.
Men are NOT mind readers.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become
null and void after 7 Days.
If you won't dress like the
Victoria 's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like
soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat,
you probably are.
Don't ask us.
If something we said can be
interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
If it itches,
it will be scratched.
We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
We will act like nothing is wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question
you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere in a hurry,
absolutely anything you wear is fine.
REALLY!
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
Just saying it as it is....
Frieday 13th
Friday the thirteenth is considered the unluckiest of days in many superstitions, unless you were born on Friday the thirteenth in which case it is your lucky day.
The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or paraskevidekatriaphobia, a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a phobia (fear) of the number thirteen.
Origins
The origins of Friday superstitions are many. One of the best known is that Eve tempted Adam with the apple on a Friday. Tradition also has it that the Flood in the Bible, the confusion at the Tower of Babel.
The origins of the Friday the 13th superstition have also been linked to the fact there were 13 people at the last supper of Jesus, who was traditionally crucified on Good Friday, but it probably originated only in medieval times.
It has also been linked to the fact that a lunisolar calendar must have 13 months in some years, while the solar Gregorian calendar and lunar Islamic calendar always have 12 months in a year.
The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or paraskevidekatriaphobia, a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a phobia (fear) of the number thirteen.
Origins
The origins of Friday superstitions are many. One of the best known is that Eve tempted Adam with the apple on a Friday. Tradition also has it that the Flood in the Bible, the confusion at the Tower of Babel.
The origins of the Friday the 13th superstition have also been linked to the fact there were 13 people at the last supper of Jesus, who was traditionally crucified on Good Friday, but it probably originated only in medieval times.
It has also been linked to the fact that a lunisolar calendar must have 13 months in some years, while the solar Gregorian calendar and lunar Islamic calendar always have 12 months in a year.
Real Women
Did you know that if shop mannequins were real women they'd be too thin to have babies?
There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do.
Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
The average woman weighs 144 lbs and wears between a 12-14.
One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder.
The models in the magazines are airbrushed - not perfect!
A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.
Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman.Today they weigh 23% less.
Today women are lovers, mothers, and career women. Who else is able to balance such a load, and do it with a smile?
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, The place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the care that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman, with passing years - only grows.
There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do.
Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
The average woman weighs 144 lbs and wears between a 12-14.
One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder.
The models in the magazines are airbrushed - not perfect!
A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.
Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman.Today they weigh 23% less.
Today women are lovers, mothers, and career women. Who else is able to balance such a load, and do it with a smile?
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, The place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the care that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman, with passing years - only grows.
What is the difference between men and women?
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance
Ever wondered
Why does the sun lighten our hair,
but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes?????
Why don't they make the whole plane
out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes?????
Why don't they make the whole plane
out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
Days of the week
Names of the days of the week, spring from the names of pagan gods:Sunday - Sun god
Monday - Moon god
Tuesday - Tiu, Germanic god of war
Wednesday - Odin, Norse supreme god
Thursday - Thor, Norse god of thunder, weather, and crops
Friday - Frigga, wife of Odin and Norse goddess of married love and of the hearth
Saturday - Saturn, Roman god of agriculture.
Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace;
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go;
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for its living;
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
Monday - Moon god
Tuesday - Tiu, Germanic god of war
Wednesday - Odin, Norse supreme god
Thursday - Thor, Norse god of thunder, weather, and crops
Friday - Frigga, wife of Odin and Norse goddess of married love and of the hearth
Saturday - Saturn, Roman god of agriculture.
Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace;
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go;
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for its living;
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Bactine, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student;
but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust;
his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights,
Someone Else
Is To Blame, &
I'm a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Bactine, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student;
but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust;
his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights,
Someone Else
Is To Blame, &
I'm a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Chado
Tea: A Tradition that Promises
to Bring Both Vigor and Tranquility
to the World
An Art long forgotten!
Chado
-- the way of tea ---
The four principles of Chado
Harmony
Respect
Purity
Tranquility
The Japanese tea ceremony is the serving of tea, ritualized over time and rooted in Zen Buddhism. Sen Rikyu formed the style of amusement to treat guests with tea in the 16th century. Rikyu formalized chado, the way of tea and identified the spirit of Chado with four basic Buddhist principles of "Wakei Sei Jayku"; harmony, respect, purity, and tranquility. In chado the expression "One time, one meeting" (Ichigo, Ichie) also is used often to explain the chado sprit.
Once Rikyu was asked what is "the way of tea" and he replied, “These seven rules are all; Make a satisfying bowl of tea, Lay the charcoal so that it heats the water efficiently; Provide a sense of warmth in winter and coolness in summer; arrange the flowers as they are in the field; Be ready ahead of time; Be prepared in case it should rain; Act with utmost consideration toward your guests.” The Questioner was not saticified with his reply and said to Rikyu. "Those are simple matters that everyone can handle." Rikyu's responce was "Humans know what are simple things, yet cannot execute simple things efficiently. If you are able to carry them out efficiently, I will be your disciple."
The seven guidelines for Chado
1. Create the feeling of coolness in summer and warmth in winter.
2. Set the charcoal so that the water will boil
3. Arrange the flowers as if they were still in the fields.
4. Make tea so that it tastes good.
5. Do everything ahead of time. (Be prepared for the unexpected.)
6. Prepare for rain even though it is fine.
7. Keep in mind thoughtfulness to others.
From this well known story, The way of tea could be considered the art of living which emphasises the importance of season, inviting guests and prepares for the gathering with great care.
Funny how a cup of tea often helps to clear our minds and allows us to recollect our thoughts and plan ahead.
Any one for tea?
to Bring Both Vigor and Tranquility
to the World
An Art long forgotten!
Chado
-- the way of tea ---
The four principles of Chado
Harmony
Respect
Purity
Tranquility
The Japanese tea ceremony is the serving of tea, ritualized over time and rooted in Zen Buddhism. Sen Rikyu formed the style of amusement to treat guests with tea in the 16th century. Rikyu formalized chado, the way of tea and identified the spirit of Chado with four basic Buddhist principles of "Wakei Sei Jayku"; harmony, respect, purity, and tranquility. In chado the expression "One time, one meeting" (Ichigo, Ichie) also is used often to explain the chado sprit.
Once Rikyu was asked what is "the way of tea" and he replied, “These seven rules are all; Make a satisfying bowl of tea, Lay the charcoal so that it heats the water efficiently; Provide a sense of warmth in winter and coolness in summer; arrange the flowers as they are in the field; Be ready ahead of time; Be prepared in case it should rain; Act with utmost consideration toward your guests.” The Questioner was not saticified with his reply and said to Rikyu. "Those are simple matters that everyone can handle." Rikyu's responce was "Humans know what are simple things, yet cannot execute simple things efficiently. If you are able to carry them out efficiently, I will be your disciple."
The seven guidelines for Chado
1. Create the feeling of coolness in summer and warmth in winter.
2. Set the charcoal so that the water will boil
3. Arrange the flowers as if they were still in the fields.
4. Make tea so that it tastes good.
5. Do everything ahead of time. (Be prepared for the unexpected.)
6. Prepare for rain even though it is fine.
7. Keep in mind thoughtfulness to others.
From this well known story, The way of tea could be considered the art of living which emphasises the importance of season, inviting guests and prepares for the gathering with great care.
Funny how a cup of tea often helps to clear our minds and allows us to recollect our thoughts and plan ahead.
Any one for tea?
Good morning,
Good morning,
This is God.
I will be handling
All of your
Problems today.
I will not need
Your help, so have
A miraculous day.
This is God.
I will be handling
All of your
Problems today.
I will not need
Your help, so have
A miraculous day.
It lies in the eyes
We can read into a person's eyes in more ways than one. Physiologically there are meanings which can be very interesting. So I thought I woukd share some, perhaps next time you see a picture of some one for the first time you may be able to analyse their character, have fun.
Look at your eyes in the mirror and see if any of these could be true of you. A little bit of light hearted fun today.
Giggles any comments on my eyes?
Not looking for flattery.....
Smiles.
EYES ARE THE WINDOWS OF THE SOULLarge Eyes: Signify ususual perceptiveness.
Small Eyes: Signify cunning.
Round Eyes show a trusting nature.
Oval Eyes show that a person is good natured.
Slanted Eyes belong to someone who takes pleasure in self-love.
Open Eyes show an open, friendly person.
Narrow Eyes show a suspicious nature.
Eyes set wide apart: indicate reliability but not necessarily swift accomplishment.
Close set Eyes: indicate an astute individual, but not necessarily trustworthy.
Deep set Eyes: show a careful, measured manner of expression.
Bulging Eyes: suggest glibness.
Eye level creases means that there is a conflict in balancing life.
Iridology: Considers the colors of the Iris.
Dark Brown: Capable of making Decisions under pressure, passionate, but sometimes too impulsive.
Brown: Loyal, group identified, leans towards shyness & passivity.
Dark Blue: Refined asthetic sensibilities, sometimes insecure & overly sentimental.
Light Blue: Commitmentment oriented, but has difficulty expressing feelings, prone to grudges.
Green: Good blend of practicality & imagination, but has temperamental tendencies.
Gray: Purposefull & confident but often willing to supress intelligence to go with the status quo.
Hazel: Very stable, energetic & quick thinking, but sometimes deceptive.
The EYEBROWS:
Represents the senses, pleasures, attraction, and sex. If the eyebrows are thicker toward the nose and thin out toward the edges, this means that the person will set his own pleasures aside the older he gets.
Heavy Eyebrows: Indicate great strength.
Thick Eyebrows belong to someone who is out-spoken.Exceedingly Thick can mean a dictatorial nature.
Thin Eyebrows: Show precision & attention to detail. But very thin, can mean fussiness.
Straight Eyebrows: show someone who is generally active, and on top of things; but can forgo details.
Gently curved Eyebrows: suggest a balanced self aware caring person.
But; downward sloping eyebrows show sambition.
Arched Eyebrows: show strong sense of curiousity, but can indicate problems trusting in relationships.
Widely spaced Eyebrows: Show someone who is influenced easily.
Close knit Eyebrows: show someone who is nervous.
Eyebrows that meet at the center: are a sign of bad luck.
-----------blue eyes----------
People with blue eyes are very attractive, adorable, love to make new friends. They will do anything for that special person and are kind and polite. They can make anyone laugh or at least cheer them up in a hap-hazard way. Blue eyes loves to please the one they love for.
-------brown eyes-------
People with brown eyes last the longest in relationships ~ just not detached ones that lead to no emotonal fulfillment. They are very satisfying and love to please ~ and oh my, do they please ; ) and can EXCEED your pleasure standards "Oh baby!"
--------green eyes----------
people with green eyes have the most passion put into relationships, they have long lasting relationships.
---------hazel eyes------------
people with hazel eyes have the best long loving relationships. they're awesome at diversity and trying new things and very rarely will say no to ANY challenge.
Not everyone conforms to the signs of their eyes - but it is a little bit of fun.....
Look at your eyes in the mirror and see if any of these could be true of you. A little bit of light hearted fun today.
Giggles any comments on my eyes?
Not looking for flattery.....
Smiles.
EYES ARE THE WINDOWS OF THE SOULLarge Eyes: Signify ususual perceptiveness.
Small Eyes: Signify cunning.
Round Eyes show a trusting nature.
Oval Eyes show that a person is good natured.
Slanted Eyes belong to someone who takes pleasure in self-love.
Open Eyes show an open, friendly person.
Narrow Eyes show a suspicious nature.
Eyes set wide apart: indicate reliability but not necessarily swift accomplishment.
Close set Eyes: indicate an astute individual, but not necessarily trustworthy.
Deep set Eyes: show a careful, measured manner of expression.
Bulging Eyes: suggest glibness.
Eye level creases means that there is a conflict in balancing life.
Iridology: Considers the colors of the Iris.
Dark Brown: Capable of making Decisions under pressure, passionate, but sometimes too impulsive.
Brown: Loyal, group identified, leans towards shyness & passivity.
Dark Blue: Refined asthetic sensibilities, sometimes insecure & overly sentimental.
Light Blue: Commitmentment oriented, but has difficulty expressing feelings, prone to grudges.
Green: Good blend of practicality & imagination, but has temperamental tendencies.
Gray: Purposefull & confident but often willing to supress intelligence to go with the status quo.
Hazel: Very stable, energetic & quick thinking, but sometimes deceptive.
The EYEBROWS:
Represents the senses, pleasures, attraction, and sex. If the eyebrows are thicker toward the nose and thin out toward the edges, this means that the person will set his own pleasures aside the older he gets.
Heavy Eyebrows: Indicate great strength.
Thick Eyebrows belong to someone who is out-spoken.Exceedingly Thick can mean a dictatorial nature.
Thin Eyebrows: Show precision & attention to detail. But very thin, can mean fussiness.
Straight Eyebrows: show someone who is generally active, and on top of things; but can forgo details.
Gently curved Eyebrows: suggest a balanced self aware caring person.
But; downward sloping eyebrows show sambition.
Arched Eyebrows: show strong sense of curiousity, but can indicate problems trusting in relationships.
Widely spaced Eyebrows: Show someone who is influenced easily.
Close knit Eyebrows: show someone who is nervous.
Eyebrows that meet at the center: are a sign of bad luck.
-----------blue eyes----------
People with blue eyes are very attractive, adorable, love to make new friends. They will do anything for that special person and are kind and polite. They can make anyone laugh or at least cheer them up in a hap-hazard way. Blue eyes loves to please the one they love for.
-------brown eyes-------
People with brown eyes last the longest in relationships ~ just not detached ones that lead to no emotonal fulfillment. They are very satisfying and love to please ~ and oh my, do they please ; ) and can EXCEED your pleasure standards "Oh baby!"
--------green eyes----------
people with green eyes have the most passion put into relationships, they have long lasting relationships.
---------hazel eyes------------
people with hazel eyes have the best long loving relationships. they're awesome at diversity and trying new things and very rarely will say no to ANY challenge.
Not everyone conforms to the signs of their eyes - but it is a little bit of fun.....
Sunday, 23 March 2008
Cheeky text flirts
Mobiles oh such wonderful things...
have no idea where I left mine -is it switched on?
To those of you who have trouble contacting me on my mobile - I apologize I just hate the thing...
Smiles
• Of all the babes u r my selection. Please don't give me a rejection. My teeth are clean for your inspection so give my mouth a tongue injection!
• I have spent many sleepless nights in your love & I don't want to my son to do the same for your daughter. So, lets make them brother n sister
• Do you like maths? If so add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!
• Sex is good sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone luvs getting laid, So if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back
• A smile to put you on a high... A kiss to set your soul all right... Would it be all right if I spent tonight being loved by you???
• Roses are red, violets are blue, Shorter the skirt better the view.
• God created the world in SIX days, but took him centuries to come up with someone...
as HOT...
as SEXY...
as Fuckable...
as YOU!
• You are cute, you are adorable, sexy, n great,
Now I broke the ice, would you like to mate?
• Are mice giving you trouble? No?
Than you must have a good pussy!
• I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you; you do not have to say yes, just smile to me!
• Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds!
• Feeling bored? Think of me.
Feeling sad? Call me.
Feeling lonely? See me.
Feeling horny? Use your hand & enjoy the art of messaging.
• I hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 069 distracting public with your extreme good looks & sex appeal. Remain silent & report 2 my bedroom.
• I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead.
• God made butter, god made cheese; god made you for me to squeeze.
God made whiskey, god made Pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!
• U r so sexy u drive me insane, I luv u so much that my heart is in pain. Ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber, oh damn I'm sorry I have the wrong number.
• Kisses blown r kisses wasted. Kisses r not kisses unless they r tasted.
Kisses spread germs and germs r hated, but u can kiss me baby I’m vaccinated
have no idea where I left mine -is it switched on?
To those of you who have trouble contacting me on my mobile - I apologize I just hate the thing...
Smiles
• Of all the babes u r my selection. Please don't give me a rejection. My teeth are clean for your inspection so give my mouth a tongue injection!
• I have spent many sleepless nights in your love & I don't want to my son to do the same for your daughter. So, lets make them brother n sister
• Do you like maths? If so add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!
• Sex is good sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone luvs getting laid, So if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back
• A smile to put you on a high... A kiss to set your soul all right... Would it be all right if I spent tonight being loved by you???
• Roses are red, violets are blue, Shorter the skirt better the view.
• God created the world in SIX days, but took him centuries to come up with someone...
as HOT...
as SEXY...
as Fuckable...
as YOU!
• You are cute, you are adorable, sexy, n great,
Now I broke the ice, would you like to mate?
• Are mice giving you trouble? No?
Than you must have a good pussy!
• I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you; you do not have to say yes, just smile to me!
• Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds!
• Feeling bored? Think of me.
Feeling sad? Call me.
Feeling lonely? See me.
Feeling horny? Use your hand & enjoy the art of messaging.
• I hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 069 distracting public with your extreme good looks & sex appeal. Remain silent & report 2 my bedroom.
• I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead.
• God made butter, god made cheese; god made you for me to squeeze.
God made whiskey, god made Pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!
• U r so sexy u drive me insane, I luv u so much that my heart is in pain. Ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber, oh damn I'm sorry I have the wrong number.
• Kisses blown r kisses wasted. Kisses r not kisses unless they r tasted.
Kisses spread germs and germs r hated, but u can kiss me baby I’m vaccinated
First dates (with children)
Smiles been wanting to share these for a while -
A couple of dates the guys have arrived with their children - weird I know but here goes....
I went tenpin bowling with a guy and surprise he brought his two beautiful daughters. He proceeded to tell me
"I am a fairly easy going guy!"
To which his daughter responded -
"Yes Dad you were so easy you had the snip!"
On another date a guy was delayed and arrived with his two young sons, the date changed from where we were going to something more child friendly -
The guy went to the loo and the youngest looked at me and said; -
"Dad just wants some one to look after us, he says perhaps you could be the right person!"
Out of the mouthes of babes!
A couple of dates the guys have arrived with their children - weird I know but here goes....
I went tenpin bowling with a guy and surprise he brought his two beautiful daughters. He proceeded to tell me
"I am a fairly easy going guy!"
To which his daughter responded -
"Yes Dad you were so easy you had the snip!"
On another date a guy was delayed and arrived with his two young sons, the date changed from where we were going to something more child friendly -
The guy went to the loo and the youngest looked at me and said; -
"Dad just wants some one to look after us, he says perhaps you could be the right person!"
Out of the mouthes of babes!
Is it important?
Often in a home the daily things get in the way, we forget how to laugh. A man's home is his castle and a woman wants everything to be just perfect for him! Until the love dies and it just becomes a chor! Even the idea of keeping the house clean for herself isn't important.
When everything is over do we remember if the house was dusted or not? Or is it the memories of what you did together while having fun that live on? When I think back now I wish I had spent more time having fun and less keeping the house spotless. I just wanted him to be happy, I suppose I tried too hard.
It is so important to prioritise in life - when you can just cuddle up at the end of the day instead of trying to find fault in each other - then you know the romance is still alive - never let it die!
Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better,
To paint a picture or write a letter,
Bake a cake or plant a seed,
Ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
Music to hear and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go and go you must,
You, yourself, will make more dust.
A house becomes a home when
you can write "I love you" on the furniture.
When everything is over do we remember if the house was dusted or not? Or is it the memories of what you did together while having fun that live on? When I think back now I wish I had spent more time having fun and less keeping the house spotless. I just wanted him to be happy, I suppose I tried too hard.
It is so important to prioritise in life - when you can just cuddle up at the end of the day instead of trying to find fault in each other - then you know the romance is still alive - never let it die!
Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better,
To paint a picture or write a letter,
Bake a cake or plant a seed,
Ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
Music to hear and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go and go you must,
You, yourself, will make more dust.
A house becomes a home when
you can write "I love you" on the furniture.
What should be in charge?
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge
Disposable world
A newborn baby girl was found in a wheelie bin in Wiltshire. The mother, a 19-year-old whose family did not know she was pregnant, left her daughter in the bin thinking that the infant was dead.
The girl's parents noticed she was bleeding and took her to the Royal United Hospital in Bath where doctors explained that she had given birth.
Police were called to search the family home near Trowbridge and found the infant in the bin outside.
We are working closely with our partners and the family to find the best outcome for the baby.
Wiltshire County Council spokesman
At first it was thought the baby was dead, but then she moved and was taken to hospital.
The teenage mother is said to be traumatised and in shock. She has been given a blood transfusion and undergone surgery under general anaesthetic.
The teenager told the police and hospital psychiatrist that she had continued to have periods throughout the pregnancy and that she had always had problems with her fluctuating weight.
Pair bonded She said after she had given birth, the baby was limp and did not make any noise.
The new mother panicked as she thought she had done something wrong and that the problem would go away if she wrapped her daughter up and put her in a wheelie bin.
Mother and daughter have now bonded, although neither is fit yet to leave hospital.
I found it hard to believe that this kind of thing really happens in a "civilized" country.
When I was in Africa this kind of thing was not unheard of. I once was called by the locals to get a baby in a box out of a river - the police had driven by and said they would come back and fetch the box later, this little boy was fortunate to be adopted by loving parents.
Is it a sign of the times that there is no communication between children and parents?
The girl's parents noticed she was bleeding and took her to the Royal United Hospital in Bath where doctors explained that she had given birth.
Police were called to search the family home near Trowbridge and found the infant in the bin outside.
We are working closely with our partners and the family to find the best outcome for the baby.
Wiltshire County Council spokesman
At first it was thought the baby was dead, but then she moved and was taken to hospital.
The teenage mother is said to be traumatised and in shock. She has been given a blood transfusion and undergone surgery under general anaesthetic.
The teenager told the police and hospital psychiatrist that she had continued to have periods throughout the pregnancy and that she had always had problems with her fluctuating weight.
Pair bonded She said after she had given birth, the baby was limp and did not make any noise.
The new mother panicked as she thought she had done something wrong and that the problem would go away if she wrapped her daughter up and put her in a wheelie bin.
Mother and daughter have now bonded, although neither is fit yet to leave hospital.
I found it hard to believe that this kind of thing really happens in a "civilized" country.
When I was in Africa this kind of thing was not unheard of. I once was called by the locals to get a baby in a box out of a river - the police had driven by and said they would come back and fetch the box later, this little boy was fortunate to be adopted by loving parents.
Is it a sign of the times that there is no communication between children and parents?
Love lust and marriage
Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath
Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . to go
Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping the kids' candy off of the carpet
Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: What's sex?
Love: A night out at the symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice
Love: French perfume
Lust: Brut aftershave
Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."
Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets
Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .
Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AOL" room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" room
Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath
Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . to go
Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping the kids' candy off of the carpet
Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: What's sex?
Love: A night out at the symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice
Love: French perfume
Lust: Brut aftershave
Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."
Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets
Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .
Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AOL" room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" room
Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat
Cigars and whiskey
"A fine cigar is just like a woman. If you don't light it up just right and suck on it with a certain frequency, it will go out on you."
"While smoking a cigar, we are in the presence of eternity."
I can remember when total bliss for me was having a good cuban cigar with a whiskey - the flavours just melted together - the heady aromas...
just drifting back to paradise....
Back to reality.......
What do you think of cigar smoking?
"While smoking a cigar, we are in the presence of eternity."
I can remember when total bliss for me was having a good cuban cigar with a whiskey - the flavours just melted together - the heady aromas...
just drifting back to paradise....
Back to reality.......
What do you think of cigar smoking?
Patriotism
Is it a thing of the past?
Growing up as a child we were always so proud of our little country - every one in the country knew the national athem - each day started with singing it and I believe doing this made us stronger people.
What do our children have today? - with no love of your country you are hardly encouraged to honour it's name.
Growing up as a child we were always so proud of our little country - every one in the country knew the national athem - each day started with singing it and I believe doing this made us stronger people.
What do our children have today? - with no love of your country you are hardly encouraged to honour it's name.
Past is another land
Do you have a special place in memory that in spite of its shortcomings, years later you still remember with fondness?
You know nothing about me and care even less
How could you understand our emptiness
You've plundered our wisdom, our knowledge, our wealth
In bleeding us dry
You long for our spirit
But that you will never possess
The past is now another land
Far beyond my reach
Invaded by insidious
Foreign bodies, foreign speech
Where timeless joys of childhood
Lie broken on the beach
The present is an empty space
Between the good and bad
A moment leading nowhere
Too pointless to be sad
But time enough to lay to waste
Every certainty I had
The future is a barren world
From which I can't return
Both heartless and material
Its wretched spoils not my concern
Shining like an evil sun
As my childhood treasures burn
Shining like an evil sun
As my childhood treasures burn
The last time I was in Zimbabwe I watched as a child walked through a farmers land setting fire to the cattle fields every 20m or so. The intention was so that the farmer would leave the land not having adequate food to feed the cattle.
The last time I went home
I went to see my farm. My friends had warned me not to - it was devasted. The old trees were burnt to the ground, the animals skinny and neglected there was nothing I could do. No one to turn to to ask for help, I had to drive away knowing the land and creatures I loved so dearly were now out of my reach.
The worst was the people who were now on the land were not even the native locals, I did not understand their language, as I drove away I was stopped by some old villagers and told please do not come back here alone again they will kill you.
I had got away just in time.
You know nothing about me and care even less
How could you understand our emptiness
You've plundered our wisdom, our knowledge, our wealth
In bleeding us dry
You long for our spirit
But that you will never possess
The past is now another land
Far beyond my reach
Invaded by insidious
Foreign bodies, foreign speech
Where timeless joys of childhood
Lie broken on the beach
The present is an empty space
Between the good and bad
A moment leading nowhere
Too pointless to be sad
But time enough to lay to waste
Every certainty I had
The future is a barren world
From which I can't return
Both heartless and material
Its wretched spoils not my concern
Shining like an evil sun
As my childhood treasures burn
Shining like an evil sun
As my childhood treasures burn
The last time I was in Zimbabwe I watched as a child walked through a farmers land setting fire to the cattle fields every 20m or so. The intention was so that the farmer would leave the land not having adequate food to feed the cattle.
The last time I went home
I went to see my farm. My friends had warned me not to - it was devasted. The old trees were burnt to the ground, the animals skinny and neglected there was nothing I could do. No one to turn to to ask for help, I had to drive away knowing the land and creatures I loved so dearly were now out of my reach.
The worst was the people who were now on the land were not even the native locals, I did not understand their language, as I drove away I was stopped by some old villagers and told please do not come back here alone again they will kill you.
I had got away just in time.
Thre truth hurts
Following on from
heavenlylove105's blog,
Ok....... So I LIED!
Any one who says they don't lie is deluded!
Yes I do - but I blush - and then go quiet.
Then spill all the beans..............
The most painful and hurtful thing you can do to someone doesn't necessarily involve deception; it usually involves telling the truth.
Tell a someone something that he or she does not want to hear. The truth is often a
“weapon of destruction” .
Half the truth is often a great lie."--Benjamin Franklin
The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe."-- H. L. Mencken
Truly, to tell lies is not honorable;
but when the truth entails tremendous ruin,
To speak dishonorably is pardonable. Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC),
A liar should have a good memory.
Quintilian
False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
Plato (427 BC - 347 BC),
The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910),
A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
Lenin (1870 - 1924)
Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
Clare Booth Luce (1903 - 1987)
heavenlylove105's blog,
Ok....... So I LIED!
Any one who says they don't lie is deluded!
Yes I do - but I blush - and then go quiet.
Then spill all the beans..............
The most painful and hurtful thing you can do to someone doesn't necessarily involve deception; it usually involves telling the truth.
Tell a someone something that he or she does not want to hear. The truth is often a
“weapon of destruction” .
Half the truth is often a great lie."--Benjamin Franklin
The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe."-- H. L. Mencken
Truly, to tell lies is not honorable;
but when the truth entails tremendous ruin,
To speak dishonorably is pardonable. Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC),
A liar should have a good memory.
Quintilian
False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
Plato (427 BC - 347 BC),
The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910),
A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
Lenin (1870 - 1924)
Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
Clare Booth Luce (1903 - 1987)
Friendship garden
PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peas of mind
2. Peas of heart
3. Peas of soul
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
You Can't Have a Garden Without Turnips:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
To Conclude Our Garden We Must Have Thyme:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
Water Freely With Patience And Cultivate With Love!
1. Peas of mind
2. Peas of heart
3. Peas of soul
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
You Can't Have a Garden Without Turnips:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
To Conclude Our Garden We Must Have Thyme:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
Water Freely With Patience And Cultivate With Love!
Banana and sex
The banana's sex life—or lack of it—is cause of growing concern to farmers and scientists. The domestic banana that and love is an asexual clone. No pollinated sex means no annoying seeds, which may be good news for hungry consumers but also means that there's little or no genetic variation.
How the banana has got away without sex for so many thousands of years owes much to the hand of man. Although wild bananas do pollinate their flowers—having the botanical equivalent of sex—their fruit is packed full of peppercorn-hard seeds, making them inedible.
The soft, yellow flesh of the edible varieties is the result of a mutation many thousands of years ago that rendered the fruits of these plants sterile. Being sterile, of course, is a major handicap in the wild—which is why the banana would not be where it is today without being propagated and carried there by humans.
The banana is, after all, an ideal food for many reasons. At least one imaginative creationist has seriously suggested that its near-perfect design is evidence of God's existence.
It is ergonomically shaped to fit the human hand, with a non-slip surface. It has an outward indicator of ripeness—green, yellow and black. Its disposable wrapper has a tab at one end for removal and perforated edges for easy pealing. Add the fact that the banana has a pointed end and curved shape for easy entry into the mouth, and who could argue that it was indeed an act of divine inspiration?
Tapping the genetic variety of the wild, sexually active varieties of the plant may help to maintain the "top banana" status of the fruit.
Improving on nature, however, is what the banana has relied on for it phenomenal success and ubiquity.
Where would we be without the banana? And, equally, where would the banana be without us?
On a more serious note;
The All-Russian Banana Party, headquartered in the Russian northern city of Vologda, is seriously concerned with the problem of using bananas in sex. On the one hand, African peoples have long abandoned the ritual of a festive defloration of virgins using bananas, the proceedings of the latest BP session state (as for Russia, the ritualistic intercourse using a bone knob had been abandoned even earlier). On the other hand, it seems impossible to somehow ban a long-rooted habit of modern people to encourage themselves, when in bed, with carrots and bananas. Heated debates which broke out at the above BP session over the issue, were finally subdues by the argument that AIDS was not banana-transmitted. So, the Russians are allowed, from March 8th (International Women’s Day) on to rightfully use bananas for any purpose. The presidium of the Banana Party also approved in the first reading the instruction on a non-target use of bananas, according to IMA-press news agency. The agency, however, retrains from citing the instruction - out of ethical considerations.
How the banana has got away without sex for so many thousands of years owes much to the hand of man. Although wild bananas do pollinate their flowers—having the botanical equivalent of sex—their fruit is packed full of peppercorn-hard seeds, making them inedible.
The soft, yellow flesh of the edible varieties is the result of a mutation many thousands of years ago that rendered the fruits of these plants sterile. Being sterile, of course, is a major handicap in the wild—which is why the banana would not be where it is today without being propagated and carried there by humans.
The banana is, after all, an ideal food for many reasons. At least one imaginative creationist has seriously suggested that its near-perfect design is evidence of God's existence.
It is ergonomically shaped to fit the human hand, with a non-slip surface. It has an outward indicator of ripeness—green, yellow and black. Its disposable wrapper has a tab at one end for removal and perforated edges for easy pealing. Add the fact that the banana has a pointed end and curved shape for easy entry into the mouth, and who could argue that it was indeed an act of divine inspiration?
Tapping the genetic variety of the wild, sexually active varieties of the plant may help to maintain the "top banana" status of the fruit.
Improving on nature, however, is what the banana has relied on for it phenomenal success and ubiquity.
Where would we be without the banana? And, equally, where would the banana be without us?
On a more serious note;
The All-Russian Banana Party, headquartered in the Russian northern city of Vologda, is seriously concerned with the problem of using bananas in sex. On the one hand, African peoples have long abandoned the ritual of a festive defloration of virgins using bananas, the proceedings of the latest BP session state (as for Russia, the ritualistic intercourse using a bone knob had been abandoned even earlier). On the other hand, it seems impossible to somehow ban a long-rooted habit of modern people to encourage themselves, when in bed, with carrots and bananas. Heated debates which broke out at the above BP session over the issue, were finally subdues by the argument that AIDS was not banana-transmitted. So, the Russians are allowed, from March 8th (International Women’s Day) on to rightfully use bananas for any purpose. The presidium of the Banana Party also approved in the first reading the instruction on a non-target use of bananas, according to IMA-press news agency. The agency, however, retrains from citing the instruction - out of ethical considerations.
Robbie Burns and days gone by
In days gone by Burns supper was one of my favourite nights of the year.
My husband was a piper, he looked so good dressed in his kilt, smiles, those Burns supper nights always ended in the most fantastic encounters. It was a turn on for both of us knowing he had nothing on underneath.
And as he piped the Haggis in, and my father in law addressed it. I was dressed in my families tartan. Those were the days when I held my head up high. A couple very much in love - people would comment how good we looked.
Then Burn's poetry was read by our men - each addressing his lady. It was a time of happiness.
Love and laughter filled the air.
I can remember that last night, Athol Bros making our heads spin - we led the dancing - we were happy then.
As life does things changed.
Come, let me take thee to my breast,
And pledge we ne'er shall sunder;
And I shall spurn as vilest dust
The world's wealth and grandeur:
And do I hear my Jeanie own
That equal transports move her?
I ask for dearest life alone,
That I may live to love her.
Thus, in my arms, wi' a' her charms,
I clasp my countless treasure;
I'll seek nae main o' Heav'n to share,
Tha sic a moment's pleasure:
And by thy e'en sae bonie blue,
I swear I'm thine for ever!
And on thy lips I seal my vow,
And break it shall I never.
This is in his memory and that of our fathers and my mother, who passed way god rest thier souls.
May they be celebrating Robbie where ever their souls are today.!
.
My husband was a piper, he looked so good dressed in his kilt, smiles, those Burns supper nights always ended in the most fantastic encounters. It was a turn on for both of us knowing he had nothing on underneath.
And as he piped the Haggis in, and my father in law addressed it. I was dressed in my families tartan. Those were the days when I held my head up high. A couple very much in love - people would comment how good we looked.
Then Burn's poetry was read by our men - each addressing his lady. It was a time of happiness.
Love and laughter filled the air.
I can remember that last night, Athol Bros making our heads spin - we led the dancing - we were happy then.
As life does things changed.
Come, let me take thee to my breast,
And pledge we ne'er shall sunder;
And I shall spurn as vilest dust
The world's wealth and grandeur:
And do I hear my Jeanie own
That equal transports move her?
I ask for dearest life alone,
That I may live to love her.
Thus, in my arms, wi' a' her charms,
I clasp my countless treasure;
I'll seek nae main o' Heav'n to share,
Tha sic a moment's pleasure:
And by thy e'en sae bonie blue,
I swear I'm thine for ever!
And on thy lips I seal my vow,
And break it shall I never.
This is in his memory and that of our fathers and my mother, who passed way god rest thier souls.
May they be celebrating Robbie where ever their souls are today.!
.
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