How to turn your date off

A few pointers on how to turn your date off and guarantee no come backs.
Please feel free to add any others that come to mind.

Be sure to arrive dirty! Crumpled, dirty, smelly clothes with the remains of breakfast still clinging to your top. Bonus points for tattered and torn, over stretched garments. And for the men who forget to do up their flies!

Be sure to have sweated copiously through your underarms, leaving big concentric sweat rings that framing your armpits Put your hands behind your head during your date in a relaxed way, and wow them with the smell and sight. Even better if you have bushes of hair protruding.

Don't wash your hair for a couple of weeks. Shiny hair sticking down against your head is a real plus point, Dandruff blizzards and freshly-picked acne are an added bonus. All the more sexy pheromones you have collected over the weeks will do just the trick.

Reach right over at the start of the date and stick your tongue right down the back of their throat as you greet them. Brushing your teeth or using mouthwash before going out is cheating, and a diet of garlic bread, curry, and raw onions must be strictly adhered to during the week before your meeting.

Talk about yourself all night don’t let them get a word in edgeways. Be highly entertaining and boast about previous sexual conquests in detail. Exaggerate wildly about how much you earn, how much you drink, and well used you are.

If your date is female, avoid eye contact and talk to her tits all night, making it obvious that you want to see more.

If your date is male, stare at his ears, or nose making special comments on how large/small they are to the extremes.

Whinge incessantly about your shitty ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, what a bitch/bastard they were, and how they never understood you. Throw in a few remarks about 'all women' or 'all men'. Exhonerate yourself completely

Whinge incessantly about your parents, what bastards they are, and how they don't understand you. The older you are, the more important it is to do this, you are the helpless victim in all of this completely with out a chance.

Whinge incessantly about your boss and everyone you work with, what bastards they are etc. How much you do and how they expect you to do everything while they sit doing nothing, don’t forget you are perfect!

Disclose all your personal information in one go. That includes the boil on your bum, your criminal convictions – fabricate in the wildest manner, your STDS, the fact that you're being sued by someone, and are about to be left homeless.

While eating - Make loud slurping noises, drool, and talk with your mouth full for that sexy cement mixer effect. Go to the top of the class if you manage to spit food over your date while doing all this.

Get really drunk and obnoxious. Start crying. Throw up.

When the bill arrives, say: "You're paying, right?" This will make an even better impression if you've ordered the most expensive dishes on the menu.

Upon seeing the repulsed expression on their face, rub your hands together,
squeeze their arse cheek really hard, then wink saucily and say:
"Back to yours for a fuck then?"